The Dating Game …. Story Number Five ……. A certain text!

This one is a sad but salutary tale and I have pondered long and hard on writing about it, but the last two years wouldn’t really be complete without relating this part of my journey.

We were brought together by our love of woodwork and shared a complimentary vision on how life can be lived. This one went beyond a few dates and stretched across a couple of months so it become a relationship. Our children were involved and part of my hesitation in relating this story is the hurt and disappointment Em felt when it fell apart. However, Em and I do find humour in a certain text message, so maybe this narrative will serve as a warning to others who may be tempted to take on someone who freaks out when faced with the more straight forward of life’s challenges such as running out of milk.

I stepped into rescue mode with this one very early on and it was marked as fatally flawed the moment I did this. I called him my Magic Elf and he is currently away landmine clearing in Africa, which given his complete inability to handle the day to day pressures of life could be a worry, however, it does mean that he won’t be reading this and with my mobile number and name change it is unlikely to cause him additional pain in the future.

I was so busy helping with the setting-up of his new business, getting his son into college, selling his house, handling his ailing mother, getting his tax affairs and VAT in order and closing his limited company (to list but a few) that I didn’t notice the usual things like ‘dates’ or having any real time together were getting lost in this little lot, so when life smacked me around the face with the reality of our situation I had a bit of a shock.

A woodworking job was booked in for three days on the house of friends of mine and this is where the wheels came off.

Day one his son (who was labouring) was asked not to return to site due to his complete inability to keep his mouth closed and for the things that were pouring forth from it. Day two I was now labouring for the Magic Elf and by the end of the day I had resigned as his girlfriend. Day three technically the job was in serious difficulties and I politely requested that the Magic Elf left the site for me to find other tradesmen that could complete the work. Over the course of the three days I was shouted at so hard and consistently that I lost my ability to think straight or to even hear my own thoughts.

The Sequel (the day after the Magic Elf was asked to vacate the site)…….

A summer’s morning dawned and I was to be found clearing out Claridge’s (our hen house) in my dressing gown and with broom in hand I heard my mobile tinkling in the kitchen …. an incoming text.

It’s one of those moments that may stay with me….it was from the Magic Elf and read….

‘Marry me and we will sort this out together’……

Now put the lack of romance and imagination aside for one moment that he thought it OK to text a proposal, and just picture my face and guess at my response. Stunned but with the ability to hear my own thoughts with clarity I put my broom down and called him straight back.

Jane, speaking very calmly, “Magic Elf, when you have a mess don’t make it worse by legalising it. I think this viscious verbal temper is your standard response to life and I have no wish to spend the rest of my life walking on eggshells. We have only had a few months together and this is supposed to be our honeymoon period, if this is as good as it gets I do not hold hope for us to have any kind of future together.”

It took him some time to accept this.

Tradesmen willing to complete someone else’s work were located and all was eventually sorted. My health took an absolute battering and it was a good few months before I got my balance back.

Finally my major life overhaul was about to start and I no longer rescued romantically.


17 Responses to “The Dating Game …. Story Number Five ……. A certain text!”

  1. 1 David Halliday January 17, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    Dating. You must have felt like you were 15 again.


  2. 3 thomag1 January 13, 2012 at 5:35 am

    It is my pleasure to nominate you for the Versatile Blogger Award. You are always uplifting me with your stories and comments and more and more bloggers have to get to know you and your site. congratulations!


    • 4 Jane Thorne January 13, 2012 at 9:01 am

      Dear Tom, thank you very much for this as it is very kind of you to think of me. I have just received this award and can’t believe how lucky I am to get it twice. I enjoy your blog very much too and may a rising tide raise all ships – take care, Jane x


  3. 5 1smiles January 12, 2012 at 8:20 pm

    Oh my! It was a complete explosion. I believe he could see your goodness Jane. He knew he’d be a better man for including you in his life. The unfortunate thing is hd had no idea what your life owuld have become by including him in it. Good for you! You knew yourself so well by this point. Congratulations!!


    • 6 Jane Thorne January 12, 2012 at 8:55 pm

      Ah Jeannie if I had known myself well at that point I wouldn’t have stepped into it at all but I learnt, I finally got the ‘tweak’ that was nestled in this one and I am grateful to him for to you xx


  4. 7 elenacaravela January 12, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    It is clear to me that your head responded brilliantly, but your heart may still have one lone diminishing string of connection to this tale.

    Your stories are all wonderful, laced with good humor, heart and wisdom.
    I am truly looking forward to reading the next.


    • 8 Jane Thorne January 12, 2012 at 2:07 pm

      Ah Elena you are so kind and intuitive. A lot came out of this one and I learnt a great deal and the strings are now cut, but it did take time. Tomorrow is my conclusion on where I sit right now …. onto other topics me thinks! x


      • 9 Jane Thorne January 12, 2012 at 8:57 pm

        Elena it came to me whilst I was busy creating this afternoon…the lingering thread is the nasty things he said, but they have nearly disappeared now..faint echoes…x


  5. 10 granbee January 12, 2012 at 10:13 am

    Well, I have heard of drama queens, but I have a feeling your Magic Elf was a drama princeling! These sorts of folk become quite masterful at getting other people to do the day-tp-day stuff for them. P.S, I am on a different system tonight, not blocked from any post with the word “dating” in the title! Amazing! Now, Jane, I am just wondering if you have any moderately pleasant dating stories to share with us. Otherwise, I (who have an iron stomache) am going to grow an ulcer over your incredible susceptibility to such immature menfollk as you have ruminated about in your last five posts!


    • 11 Jane Thorne January 12, 2012 at 10:37 am

      Good morning Granbee you made me laugh thank you and thank you for your concern…tomorrow’s post is not about any dates but a summation of what I learnt on this part of my path and my conclusions now. You will not need a strong stomach to read it. I learnt…I learnt and I think that was the point!! Take care, Jane x


      • 12 granbee January 12, 2012 at 10:41 am

        Wonderful! So glad to make you laugh! I am most eager to read your conclusions. That is one of the greatest blessings from being active on a daily basis in this wonderful blogging community of artists, writers, musicians, animal lovers, environmentalist, peacemakers, etc.–learning from each other! Good morning back at you, dear Jane! I KNEW you have many postive insights to share with us, just because Eric Alagen thinks so highly of your blog!


        • 13 Jane Thorne January 12, 2012 at 10:55 am

          Granbee you are so kind and I am fond of Eric, he is a lovely man. Hindsight is a great thing and this dating period of my life was pivotal for me and I am grateful for it and for all who took part. Nothing but nothing happens by accident does it? It’s learning to trust that all is as it is meant to be right now and also trusting your own instincts. I hope you have a great day and I am so glad our paths crossed…love to you x


          • 14 Eric Alagan January 12, 2012 at 11:27 am

            Hello ladies,

            Did I hear my name mentioned 🙂 How very lovely of you to say such nice things.

            Jane, I have enjoyed these stories. From the bottom of my heart, thank you buddy, for the sharing. I shall not miss tomorrow’s edition.

            If it will make you feel any better, we men love the taste of shoes (!) and always end up with our foot in our mouth.

            I too have a confession to make. When I proposed to Lisa, it was not at all romantic and she still laughs about it. Apparently, I simply thrust out the ring and said something like “Will you marry me!” I say ‘apparently’ because, for the life of me, I don’t recall that moment – I was utterly freaked out. But Lisa accepted! Whew!

            Lots of luv


          • 15 Jane Thorne January 12, 2012 at 12:14 pm

            Hello Eric, good morning, Lisa could see your loveliness Eric, it shines through….us girls can see these things and I have no doubt you have been a great husband…life is an adventure enriched if you are blessed enough to find the right mate and she found one in you…love coming right back to you x


  6. 16 lostupabove January 12, 2012 at 8:23 am

    I have heard a lot and read a lot more here, but getting married to solve the problems is very new to me, most of the time it goes the other way around; but I must admit, a nice addition to your, may I say, already extraordinary collection.Jane!

    Sounds like a posh hen house to me, Can I have a peep? 🙂

    Steph xx


    • 17 Jane Thorne January 12, 2012 at 8:43 am

      Steph I will post a pic of Claridges next week…the dating stories finish tomorrow, so I need fresh material…the way Blossom (one of our hens) chases the squirrels and crows out of our garden has certainly been entertaining to watch lately…xx


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