The Dating Game….Conclusions at this moment in time……

The above is one of Em’s paintings (my daughter) and this is appropriate as we are ‘the girls’ and Em’s common sense approach makes her my perfect ‘wing man’ as I sally forth on future dates or not as the case may be!

It took me a while to realise that when I first ventured out into dating land I had the expectation that a loving relationship with someone would make me happy. In finding that ‘special one’ my life would somehow magically be ‘fixed’ and all my dreams would come true. How could I have thought that putting that amount of responsibility onto someone else was a good thing? All I can say in my defence is I was not doing it consciously. I had a poor sense of my own worth and a lifelong habit of taking responsibility for other’s actions. There was also a pivotal point in my younger life when I was not rescued and that flipped me (unknowingly) into always rescuing others.

I have now learnt to take responsibility for my own happiness and dreams and the discovery that I can achieve things on my own has been an empowering one. I channel my compassion and ‘rescuing’ side into psychic readings and coaching to better effect.

Love and romance with another, if balanced, can enhance life but our day to day round can still be rich and abundant without these elements. We still have love for our loved ones, close friends and the things we choose to do. Love comes in many forms.

I think there is a basic human need in all of us to be fully accepted and loved for who we are but the search for the ‘special one’ is no longer my driving force. In that liberating discovery I have found my own balance and any romantic ‘path crossings’ are now viewed with no expectations and are also appreciated for the magic of each moment. They are very much seen in the ‘now’ and I trust that how things unfold is exactly as it is meant to be and I take my hands ‘off’ so to speak. Love is not about controlling.

My head and heart are working together in harmony, although emotions are far from easy to handle so I am still ‘tweaking’ and I am as ever grateful to my lovely daughter, good friends and humour! I am also grateful that these ‘dating’ posts have brought new friends my way as you all bring your own richness to my life so thank you.

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28 Responses to “The Dating Game….Conclusions at this moment in time……”


  1. 1 thomag1 January 18, 2012 at 11:57 pm

    There’s nothing like a daughter….Em’s a good name…..as for the dating world…..I do not think I could do it again….I barely survived the initial times….my wife had to find me…..haha! Keep your chin up…..the men in your area must be blind……keep writing!!!!

    tom

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    • 2 Jane Thorne January 19, 2012 at 7:59 am

      Oh Tom thank you…you made me smile. Emily was one of my Great Grandmother’s names and my daughter was named after her and I have taken her surname…a lovely and wise lady whom we all adored. The secret is to stop looking and yes I am writing…thank you for your support – take care, Jane

      Like

  2. 3 granbee January 16, 2012 at 5:44 am

    Jane, I am sitting here extremely happy for you in reading about this huge amount of self-exploration and affirmation you describe in this post. Yes, each experience, each encounter is valuable for its own sake. No need to try to build a “stairway to heaven” out of each colorful pebbly we find in our daily journeys. Hooray for you, Jane! I know you have many enriching experiences awaiting you. Be joyful, be peaceful, BE!

    Like

    • 4 Jane Thorne January 16, 2012 at 9:25 am

      Granbee thank you for your very thoughtful and loving comment, I really appreciate you taking the time to do this. Have a great day down in the deep south…love to you x

      Like

  3. 5 maturestudenthanginginthere January 15, 2012 at 7:58 pm

    Jane I’m so pleased to have found you – having read this post I very much look forward to reading more as I’m also a head/heart juggler. Thanks for dropping by my blog and leaving a comment. Oh and you’re daughter’s painting is beautiful. Does she have a title for it? Jacqueline

    Like

    • 6 Jane Thorne January 15, 2012 at 8:56 pm

      Hi Jacqueline, thank you for your kind comments and no Em doesn’t have a title for it…she rarely titles her work. This piece is hanging in my bedroom and Em teases me that our whole house is a gallery for her work. We have a studio (old garage) at the bottom of the garden which we share. Thanks for taking the time to read my warblings…take care, Jane

      Like

  4. 7 mj monaghan January 15, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    Great painting by Em! Love the colors and the forms in the composition.
    All the best in your search for love and romance.

    Like

  5. 9 vixytwix January 15, 2012 at 10:53 am

    Hi Jane. Your daughter is so talented, I absolutely adore that painting.
    Taking responsibility for our own happiness and dreams…I really understand that more now than ever 🙂 and this new sense of empowerment is incredible. Thank you for visiting my blog and I am so glad my post touched you. It was hard to write. Humour is truly a gift 🙂
    Danielle

    Like

  6. 11 Aslan Kanshaw January 14, 2012 at 7:17 am

    Good Day 😀

    I have nominated you to the “Candle Lighter Award”
    Check the nomination at : http://aslankanshaw.wordpress.com/2012/01/14/candle-lighter-award-nominations/

    Congratulations ! 😀

    Like

    • 12 Jane Thorne January 14, 2012 at 9:38 am

      Aslan thank you so much, I am touched by your kindness in doing this. I am also grateful for our paths crossing – here’s to peaceful, abundant year for all of us…take care, Jane

      Like

  7. 13 Grandfathersky January 13, 2012 at 6:34 pm

    Jane – I have to agree with Eric, this is such a great summation of the experience, and how life has helped you grow. It is amazing. I get a sense of Eckhart Tolle in this. I love the painting as well. All the best -gs

    Like

    • 14 Jane Thorne January 13, 2012 at 7:02 pm

      Dear Grandfathersky thank you so much for your kind words, I am touched by them. I have told Em you like her painting. All the best to you too, Jane.

      Like

  8. 15 1smiles January 13, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    Jane,
    You are an inspiration!

    Like

    • 16 Jane Thorne January 13, 2012 at 5:59 pm

      Oh Jeannie you are too kind….I have just emailed you and if you could see me right now you might revise your comment!! Thank you so much for your love and support as they are much appreciated, Jane xxx

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  9. 17 elenacaravela January 13, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    P.S. I love Em’s painting. I have a blog for young artists (under 25 yrs.), and if Em meets that criteria and would like, I’d love to share her piece (or any others) on the blog. http://www.PortraitofaGirlandHerArt.wordpress.com

    -It’s all about inspiring peers-

    Like

    • 18 Jane Thorne January 13, 2012 at 5:57 pm

      Elena thank you, Em is under 25 yrs so I have linked to your blog and I will talk to her. I love her artwork and think she is very talented – I am her mother! Take care, Jane x

      Like

  10. 19 elenacaravela January 13, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    Jane, your second paragraph should be required reading in high school health classes. Thanks for a wonderful ride re:this topic. What will be next?

    Like

    • 20 Jane Thorne January 13, 2012 at 5:55 pm

      Thanks Elena, I am touched that you think so and as to what comes next…not sure…hopefully inspiration will strike this weekend…take care, Jane x

      Like

  11. 21 thomag1 January 13, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    It’ll happen for you at an unexpected time, in an unexpected place and in an unexpected situation, more than likely. Your posts are really good for a lot of people because it makes them review their own situations. Most of the time, when I want something to happen, it seldom does; at least at the moment I want it too – especially playing a slot machine – haha Hang in there Janie and use the time to love the ones you love the most… (don’t pay any attention to me…I must think I’m Dr. Phil….heaven forbid. Have a great day!

    Like

    • 22 Jane Thorne January 13, 2012 at 5:54 pm

      Tom you’re lovely and thanks for your comments…you are right of course…with universal timing things rarely happen when we ‘want’ them too and everything works out in the end as it is meant…if you could see me doing a small bit of DIY (repair) at my end right now – you may think this girl needs help but I will crack it…take care, Jane x

      Like

  12. 23 lostupabove January 13, 2012 at 9:23 am

    Oh, Jane, such a nice post. I’m so happy you to read you found a new balance, which means you are happy with what you have now, keeping an open mind for things to come., But what am I babbling,. read this (http://faceofspring.wordpress.com/2011/12/25/fairy-tale/). it’s not the best translation but it follows the text quite closely., Desnos wrote in French and died in 1945 when just released from a German concentration camp.

    Conte de fée
    Il était un grand nombre de fois
    Un homme qui aimait une femme
    Il était un grand nombre de fois
    Une femme qui aimait un homme
    Il était un grand nombre de fois
    Une femme et un homme
    Qui n’aimaient pas celui et celle qui les aimaient

    Il était une fois
    Une seule fois peut-être
    Une femme et un homme qui s’aimaient.

    Love

    Steph xx

    Like

  13. 27 Eric Alagan January 13, 2012 at 9:19 am

    That is an elegant rounding up of the dating game (for the moment at least).
    Looks like Em is talented in her own right…lovely.
    All peace be upon you and yours,
    Eric

    Like


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