How often do you pause and reflect on how well you have handled something, done something or simply coped with something? We all need to stop and pat ourselves on the back, it’s good for your soul.

How often do you stop and pat yourself on the back?

I can hear most of you saying ‘Oh yes but……..’. Praise someone and hear the ‘editing’ that comes back as their voices of self-censure kick in.

My Inbox has a crop of emails this morning and the tone of self-censure threaded through most of them is marked.

Why do we beat ourselves up? Do we feel the need to get in there with the criticism before someone else does? Is it a habit? You can take responsibility for your own decisions without being critical. Whatever prompts this self-criticism it would be helpful to ourselves to still the voice. We tend towards self-censure long after the event has unfolded and how destructive to our well-being is that?

Be kind to yourselves – if you have done well, coped well, handled well then pause and pat yourself on the back. Show love to yourself, it’s good for you.


22 Responses to “How often do you pause and reflect on how well you have handled something, done something or simply coped with something? We all need to stop and pat ourselves on the back, it’s good for your soul.”

  1. 1 Arjun Sharma January 25, 2012 at 11:09 pm

    very true Jane. we need to keep ourselves motivated. and rejoicing little victories is the way.


  2. 3 Christine Moran January 25, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    Thank you for the reminder Jane – I need it, often!

    Christine xx


  3. 5 lostupabove January 24, 2012 at 10:03 am

    Darling Jane, I’ve nominated you for the One Lovely Blog Award. How about that? (
    Steph xx


  4. 7 lostupabove January 24, 2012 at 7:46 am

    Dear Jane, as far as we, the so called “normal” people are concerned, you may be right. The truly great, whether artists or philosophers, however have often led a life that to us, the “normals” may seem a life spent in suffering and without any joy because they were searching for perfection and couldn’t rest before they had found it. But if they wanted to achieve this would their lives be more agreeable if they hadn’t criticised themselves, if they hadn’t been hard on themselves? In many religions the urge to lead a perfect life, often through inflicting pain to oneself and through being hard to one’s body -not patting but whipping the back-, is often present. So it seems to me that it is almost as if something in our genes determines if we will be hard to ourselves, and often be hard to the rest of the world, or that we will pat ourselves on the back. Very interesting post.
    Steph xx


    • 8 Jane Thorne January 24, 2012 at 11:37 am

      Perfection is the killer of joy Steph as is any doctrine that demands suffering….back patting is not about conceit or arrogance, it stems from love. How can we be kind to others if we are unable to be kind to ourselves…love to you xx


  5. 9 Eric Alagan January 24, 2012 at 2:13 am

    Good and really a very thought provoking article, Jane. Thank you.

    I find myself reviewing my words/actions after every encounter with another person – in business, leisure and even when carrying on with mundane activities. Was I polite enough to the waitstaff? Was the tone of my voice harsh when I asked the salesgirl that? Did I overlook something when I said that? An endless review that helps me do better. I can’t stop it – that is the way I am.

    Stressful? Actually no, as I look forward to doing better next time around. I don’t seek perfection for myself…but if I can be that much more nicer to the next person…remove just one straw…

    Did I present my thoughts well in the comment above?…Fortunately, it is my Buddy Jane. I am sure she’ll cut me some slack if I had slacked 🙂


    • 10 Jane Thorne January 24, 2012 at 11:35 am

      Dear Eric you have all the ‘room’ you need and it just goes to show that you are lovely in the reflection that you give to your encounters…doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a pat on the back though…so have one from me buddy xx


  6. 11 1smiles January 23, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    Jane! Again you have the perfect words. We are our most challengeing critics. And for what? We are all who we are meant to be, as is.


  7. 13 granbee January 23, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    Jane, I totally agree with you–so many excellent poets, especially, just self-censure all the time..We need to be good to ourselves, yes we do!


    • 14 Jane Thorne January 23, 2012 at 9:08 pm

      Yes we do need to be good to ourselves Rose and good to each other, thank you for taking the time to read and to comment – love Jane x


  8. 15 elenacaravela January 23, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    Jane, I love your last comment “perfection is the killer of joy” -says it beautifully. Great post.


  9. 17 thomag1 January 23, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    You are truly right, Jane, and yet, I am still very self-censuring myself. Is it normal to do that, you think? I’ve always tried to be a ‘nice’ guy and with that comes, sometimes, being critical of oneself. Personally, I prefer being in the midst of a person who is humble as opposed to the arrogant, alter ego person who has all the right answers (in their mind) and always needs the last word. I do, however, recognize that some personalities have to control every moment. I always try to work with them, although I am usually taken advantage of. haha As long as the confrontation isn’t on a big stage, I don’t mind that much. Good article, and interesting, as usual from you, Jane. Your writings never have easy answers…haha my best to you



    • 18 Jane Thorne January 23, 2012 at 3:32 pm

      As your comments are always thought provoking for me dear Tom…..stopping to pat yourself on the back has absolutely nothing to do with arrogance, conceit or being ‘right’….it’s about being kind. If you are a humble soul I think you need to pat yourself even more. Arrogance and conceit are born out of ego, being kind to yourself is born out of love. Take care, Jane x


  10. 19 Turber January 23, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    It’s the hardest thing sometimes, but also the most effective way to show some respect to the person, we tend to neglect most. Ourselves! Thanks for the beautiful reminder, dear. 🙂


    • 20 Jane Thorne January 23, 2012 at 1:09 pm

      Thank you for your lovely comment and for taking the time to read my post….I am following your blog through my RSS feed and very entertaining it is too..I am also an AR fan … sigh …. take care, Jane


  11. 21 maturestudenthanginginthere January 23, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    A good reminder for me today, thank you. I think sometimes we need to remind ourself that our best, whatever that is, is good enough. There is such a drive in this life for things to always be perfect, which I always think is such a shame and negates much of what we do well.


    • 22 Jane Thorne January 23, 2012 at 12:14 pm

      Hi Jacqueline – perfection is the killer of joy…perfect in whose opinion??? We live, love and care as best we can…pats all round me thinks – take care and have a good day – love Jane x


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