The voice of the sea speaks to the soul….

The sea at home...

I moved to Wales recently to start life together with the farmer who said he had waited all his life for me. I felt I had found a life buddy who was on the same page with love of nature, animals and family. Throwing a blanket of love around us, his family and the life we talked about flowing together I felt so blessed.

I quickly discovered I had walked straight into a mirage and the man I thought I knew disappeared. I was weepy, tired, my confidence waned, I started to have accidents and I doubted that I could accomplish even the simplest task. I kept putting it down to my tiredness and learning to live with a new routine and talking to Paul, my partner, failed to shed any light on why I felt as I did. I was told that I was not coping, amoungst other things. After a week I called a close friend who works with families in difficulties. I asked her for help, because in a very short space of time I had lost all sense of what was real and the speed it was happening frightened me. She asked me to describe a few things that had happened, without emotion if I could, and then she gave me her feedback. Bless her, because her words were the only real thing I had to hold onto and my trust in her is implicit. I was being controlled and manipulated to a very high level. It is best not to dwell on the detail, but one thing that is clear is that ‘love’, affection and kindness are given with calculated precision and are another cog in the wheels of control. I know a fair few souls who hang on in relationships like this thinking that things will get better. ‘Oh, but he/she can be so lovely’ they say. What I was in was a film set; all the frontage was there, with controlling scaffolding holding it up. There was nothing real behind it. It never gets real or better, it just steadily gets worse.

Love gets twisted for some souls and they do not trust it. It becomes a tool for them to get the love and attention they crave while they manage their lives, running to a twisted agenda of their own making.

They are standing in the middle of a loving river and dying of thirst.

I was straight forward and tried to discuss that this was not loving and could we try to work it through. He cried. I wavered for a few days thinking I had misread the situation. The control notched up a few levels and my clarity snapped back into focus.

I wished him well and left.

I threw my net wide over four counties looking for a room in a shared house to keep costs down and to give me time to recover. I knew I would need company, yet independence. I looked at several and trusted my instinct that I would know the one that felt like home. I did as soon as I walked into it.

So here I am in a new area to me, right by the seaside, in a house that gives you a hug as soon as you walk through the front door. It is so peaceful here and my housemates are kind, thoughtful and we are all settling down well. I love my room and have all mine and Emily’s artwork up and wrapping round me. I am not rushing into making any decisions on how I earn my living and I have options. Self nurture is the song of my days as I explore my new home and simply breathe myself back into balance.

I stood on the sea front yesterday watching the ferries sail out of the mouth of The Mersey from Liverpool bound for Ireland and the Isle of Man. Looking to my left the sea stretched out way into the horizon touching North Wales eventually. This is a special place and there are many blessings in my having landed here. I am not far from Mum and Dad, my friends up North, yet I have a fresh canvas. More importantly coming back to me I have my well spring of creativity and the peace to hear my authentic voice as it guides me home. I will pick my fresh life paint pots in time and with care. For now it is alright to simply let things be.

I am so grateful to my loving friends and family who have held my hand as I stepped my way through to this point. Love is my life buoy and letting go of what has happened is happening, because it was not real.

Love flows as I hear the voice of the sea mingling with my own and she talks of many blessings. x

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33 Responses to “The voice of the sea speaks to the soul….”


  1. 1 dgkaye January 25, 2016 at 12:10 am

    Lovely to have you back Jane, stronger, and with found clarity. You were blessed to recognize the signs, and even more to know it was time to go. So many people hang on for the wrong reasons. It looks like God has opened a sparkling new door for you. 🙂

    Like

  2. 5 Al January 24, 2016 at 3:13 pm

    Wow, an extraordinary (and troubling) adventure to say the least. So much of the phrase “life is what happens while we’re making other plans” rings true.

    Kudos to you for knowing yourself and the bravery to act on it. So glad you landed in a healing place where your love of the sea and those around you can come to the fore. You are an exceptional soul who deserves the peace you seem to have found.

    Like

    • 6 Jane Thorne January 25, 2016 at 9:50 am

      Thanks my Bro. It is peaceful here and more importantly I have my inner peace back. Hugs to you and we’ll get to hug in person this year, now there’s a good thought. I am trying not to make plans, but just to let things float for a few days. I can hear the seagulls while I write this. ❤ xX

      Liked by 1 person

  3. 7 Maxi January 24, 2016 at 2:55 pm

    …because it was not real. This says it all, Jane. May your heart heal as you soak in the nurture of nature and the love of family and friends. Big, big bear hugs to you, my friend.
    blessings ~ maxi

    Like

  4. 9 familyrulesbyplainjane January 24, 2016 at 2:03 am

    Oh my goodness, Jane. How confusing and awful. I am glad you are safely away and able to heal.

    Like

  5. 11 clarepooley33 January 24, 2016 at 1:57 am

    I am glad you have found a safe haven. Take care of yourself dear Jane. Much love, Clare xx

    Like

  6. 15 ianscyberspace January 23, 2016 at 11:40 pm

    I love your descriptions, your honesty and positive take on future possibilities. all the best as you settle in to your new life.

    Like

    • 16 Jane Thorne January 24, 2016 at 12:35 pm

      Hello Ian, it is lovely to hear from you and thank you. There are many blessings flowing from landing here and a contentment in exploring as I discover them. Hugs to you both and your loved ones. Xx

      Liked by 1 person

  7. 17 Marylin Warner January 23, 2016 at 9:58 pm

    Dear Jane, you are so much stronger, wiser and more resilient than you realize. I was very happy to read that you’re now closer to family and friends, and my heart smiles at your wonderful description: “…a house that gives you a hug as soon as you walk through the front door. It is so peaceful here and my housemates are kind, thoughtful and we are all settling down well.” A beautiful gift you’ve received, and many more are on the way. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • 18 Jane Thorne January 24, 2016 at 12:33 pm

      Marylin, how lovely to hear from you and you would not believe the number of times I have thought of you and your lovely Mum over the past few weeks. Always alongside images of homemade bread, cutting herbs, crafting words or creating the new…you both inspire, because you are in my heart. There are many, many blessings flowing from being here and I trust in them. Much love ❤ Xx

      Like

  8. 19 Peter Wells aka Countingducks January 23, 2016 at 4:46 pm

    My goodness, what a horrible and pernicious experience to happen to one of the nicest people. I am so sad that you have had to go that but really pleased you had the sense and depth, ( no surprise ) to seek for help, make a good decision and get out of there and to a place where you can unwind and replenish your emotional reserves. For the record, as you may know, many people in that situation just stay until they have no spirit left. It says so much about you that you did not let that happen to you. Well done you 🙂

    Like

    • 20 Jane Thorne January 23, 2016 at 4:56 pm

      Thank you Ducky, for your view of me and for your caring support. I have nearly unpacked my last box at home. I have peace and space to express my authenticity with loving grace. Flowing love to those I care about is everything. I have worked out ‘why’ and that helps…I will be writing more and in the words my balance is ‘settling’…love flowing to you with hugs. Xx ❤

      Like

  9. 21 Leny Owram January 23, 2016 at 2:05 pm

    To know the truth is a liberation in itself….brave Jane. Much love. X

    Like

    • 22 Jane Thorne January 23, 2016 at 2:31 pm

      Much love flowing to you Leny and your beautiful animals that created our connection. ‘Us girls’ stand hand in hand together. ❤ Xx

      Like

  10. 23 1smiles January 23, 2016 at 1:41 pm

    My darling Jane,
    I am so very proud of you. Your inner light sparked a knowing and you have found your new path. it is still to be explored and oh the joys it will bring to you. I love that you felt a ‘hug’ as you entered your new home. Bravo!
    Sending you much love and many, many more hugs,
    Jeannie

    Like

    • 24 Jane Thorne January 23, 2016 at 1:48 pm

      My loving friend, I hold you in my heart, always. For your heart and my heart ‘know’ about about damaged souls and how they can create havoc in others lives. I am right there holding your hand and sending you all my love. Loving hugs ❤ xXx ❤

      Like

  11. 25 Jill Weatherholt January 23, 2016 at 1:20 pm

    It’s so wonderful to see you, Jane. Beautiful words for a tough situation…I’m glad you were strong enough to leave…many women aren’t. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • 26 Jane Thorne January 23, 2016 at 1:30 pm

      Hello Jill and thank you. My self preservation kicked in and I left while I still had enough sense of self to gather my energy together. I feel the longer you stay, the more stuck you become. Some poor souls have lost their sense of self and energy and cannot see a different path. Love flowing to you and I hope you are still happily birthing your dream? Hugs Xx ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  12. 27 Eric Alagan January 23, 2016 at 1:08 pm

    My dear dear buddy, Jane
    I dropped off the blogging grid and am slowly getting into it again and then, moments ago I saw your post in my email…
    Your post broke my heart and I feel…
    I’ll certainly keep you in my prayers, my dear.
    God bless and give you comfort.
    Your buddy,
    Eric

    Liked by 1 person

    • 28 Jane Thorne January 23, 2016 at 1:28 pm

      My special buddy, I too have been off the blogging grid, but we have always been in each other’s hearts. True friendship. Love and good wishes for you and I hope all is flowing well in your world? Hugs and much love to you and Lisa and your loved ones ❤ Xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  13. 29 journeyintopoetry January 23, 2016 at 12:59 pm

    Beautiful sentiments my precious friend. And a huge well done for getting through to this point. You know I am here for you every day as I know you are there for me. Many times you have stopped me from falling splat onto the floor in despair or helping me get through my meltdowns. We know true love dont we; it’s a blessing. I am so glad you have now left that very unhealthy place. I love you ❤️ Xxx

    Like


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