Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way ~ Viktor E. Frankl

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I bobbed out yesterday to spend a bit of time at my soon to be new berth. Lynn’s lovely home is a treat to be in and as soon as I logged off from work I shot over there like a bullet out of a gun. As I rounded the corner there was a horse and pony grazing on the green opposite. It’s Easter holidays here and the children were watching in delight.

Lynn and I had a great time planning my move and where things will go next weekend. Her home is full of thoughtful touches and her care continued as she suggested a desk in the sitting room window. I can work, write and look outside at the green, the sky and life. That keeps work out of my bedroom and I think this will add to my inner peace.

I sailed out of there into Morrison’s to do some grocery shopping and when I came to pay I discovered that I had forgotten my purse. So I went back home, returned to Morrison’s, paid for my shopping and then walked back up the hill again. That’s when feelings started to rise up. As Sarah and I sat nattering and eating our dinner together last night I wept. I am upset about change again, angry at our landlord for not seeing the situation that he has created and I woke up this morning still thoroughly out of sorts. In this line of work you are front line and can’t hide. So I tried to ‘park’ how I felt and work anyway. This plan failed and my lovely colleagues stepped in and hands were held out with support.

I can handle the practicalities of the move, yet the emotions are a different thing and have got a wee bit tangled up. I am scared of hurt, of things going awry, of having to deal with goodness knows what, so I am not allowing myself to feel hopeful about this change.

As one colleague said this morning ‘Jane, lean on me, I am here, for goodness sake lean’. So I leant. Not my normal stance, but hey it’s time for change. Change happens all the time and if I can lean into this one and melt into each moment, then my attitude stays balanced. It is what it is and I am surrounded by loving support. Letting go of any expectations, including fear filled ones, is lovingly graceful. I also get to see Mum and Dad this weekend and to drive a hired van. Such fun. Ohh, and I have booked a manicure, after all self nurture needs to be practical too doesn’t it?

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20 Responses to “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way ~ Viktor E. Frankl”


  1. 1 clarepooley33 April 7, 2016 at 11:11 pm

    Oh poor Jane! I sympathise so much with your situation. I felt for you deeply when you said you began to feel despondent after realising you’d forgotten your purse and had the long double journey to make to pay for your groceries. We can be brave and cheerful for only so long and then something happens that makes our facade crumble. I am so pleased you have friends and family near at hand on whom you can lean. Use these kind people to help you through this difficult stage in your life. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Clare xx ❤

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  2. 4 Stuart April 7, 2016 at 11:11 am

    I understand your feelings about being in the ‘front line’ and that can be so difficult at times. Those moments when you almost want to divulge that you, yes you, have feelings and problems too. We are all human and feel pain in the same way.

    I do feel that this time will be the worst of it for you and the feelings around it will quickly improve. Your new situation sounds quite idyllic in many ways. I’m hoping so. Good luck, Jane.

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  3. 6 Marylin Warner April 7, 2016 at 4:37 am

    Frankl’s book, MAN’S SEARCH FOR MEANING, shook me to the core, Jane, and changed my life…the second time I read it. The first time was in college, and I was more upset by the hell of the concentration camp experiences, so my outrage was focused outward. The second time was during my painful divorce, when I was pregnant and I walked in on my husband and my best friend. The following months were the darkest in my life, and when my daughter was born–the happiest time in my life–a good friend gave me a baby quilt wrapped around a copy of Frankl’s book. I read it again, and this time I chose a new response to what had happened, and began a new life, complete and whole, a family of two, mother and baby. Your posts often trigger strong memories and emotions in me, and I truly thank you. ❤

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    • 7 Jane Sturgeon April 7, 2016 at 11:33 am

      There are times when we feel isolated and fearful and in those moments life will reach out. A family member or friend holding out a loving hand and reminding us of love. What a thoughtful present your baby quilt was….I think of your Mum often Marylin, and you, because the two of you are so alike. When things get messy and emotions rise up, then it’s OK to stop. In the peace we find a way forward don’t we? I knit, or kneed a loaf of bread, or make a cake…anything simple and loving and it gives my mind a chance to rest. Living by the sea I go down and sit and watch…life rolls forward, it never stops and here we are adjusting our sails to ride the waves. Thank you for being there, there is such joy when I think of you. ❤ Xxx

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  4. 8 grandfathersky April 6, 2016 at 2:55 pm

    Jane –
    I understand your feelings and this must be difficult, with all the moves and changes, you must feel like you are living out of a box, and need wheels under your life. I’d have to look astrologically, there must be something there. None the less, letting it flow, and leaning on friends and family is what we are all here for. Keep going – you are an inspiration!
    Always
    Peter

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  5. 10 Maxi April 6, 2016 at 1:36 pm

    Moving into a new situation with no expectations is a smart move on your part, Jane. How perfect a time to see your parents. This will also help you keep your balance.

    You are an intelligent woman, my friend … it will all work out. Many gentle hugs to wrap you in confidence.
    blessings ~ maxi

    Like

  6. 12 ianscyberspace April 6, 2016 at 1:16 am

    One of the causes of depression, one of the major scourges of our time, is change. Moving out of our comfort zone in any way. Even a move is stressful for that reason. Hang in there! You have loving friends so let them give you their support.

    Like

  7. 14 Mehala Singam April 5, 2016 at 4:24 pm

    I felt like reaching out and giving you a tight hug when I read your post. So here’s one now! I always realise, with hindsight of course, that everything happens for a reason. If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change! Enjoy the manicure! Hugs xxxx

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  8. 16 Al April 5, 2016 at 3:51 pm

    You, as well as anyone, know that letting the feelings flow is cathartic. Sounds like maybe this has worked for you and hope the “balance” stays front and center. Never worry about leaning on your cyber buddies!

    Like

  9. 18 journeyintopoetry April 5, 2016 at 2:12 pm

    Oh Jane, bless you; you can lean on me any time too. Goodness knows, I lean on you many a time.

    I forgot to mention your forgotten purse in my return email to you. This has happened to me too, usually when other ‘stuff’ has taken up lots of room in my head.

    Once again, beautiful writing my lovely pal. And I think your attitude of no expectations is so healthy, but I would think also, quite difficult to adhere to, as our humanness can so easily get in the way. But being aware of this, as I know you are, is a great starting point so we can recognise when we begin to lose our way and hopefully find the healthy path once more.

    I will be with you in spirit whe you make this move, and after, and Im always here at the otter end of emailing or phone. xxx❤️xxx

    Like


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