Perceptions….

I am currently halfway through writing a book about my internet dating adventures, thanks to the ‘spark’ from a lovely friend. This is throwing up all sorts of issues as you can imagine and the growing ‘tongue in cheek’ belief that I may never be asked out again.

The issues are interesting, because I am protecting the identity of all the characters, but where do you draw the line on how much you divulge? I have opted to keep it real and all is in there, including the unattractive aspects about myself and my moments of shame. It is apparently funny, and written with a light hand on the tiller according to those who have been privy to excerpts. It is not an unburdening of my soul, but a snapshot of what life can be like in internet dating land for women of a certain age. A publisher asked what demographic I was aiming it at and I replied ‘Are you kidding me on?’ I may need to brush up on my promotional skills.

I shared this current activity with my Mum and Dad on a recent visit and my Mum’s face lit up as she said ‘I do hope you are including the perfect cock story in your book?’ My Dad nearly choked on his lunch.

Writing this book takes me into the heart of ‘vulnerability land’ and that can became a sticking point. I have learned over the years to write and get out of the way of myself, because time and again I would write and be ‘reading’ it at the same time. That doesn’t work I found, as judgement comes in and my insistent critical inner voice is very loud indeed. So I write without thinking and just let the words fall onto the page.

This book is about me with real life events, so I have been facing fear as I sit at my laptop each day. Fear of judgement, not being enough, not being worthy and basically writing a load of stories that no-one would feel inclined to read. Hello fear.

The last thing I want to do is have it come across like a modern day advert, or some social media posts that we are all subjected to. You know the ones: beautifully attired people fresh from a full nights sleep, just off trekking in the Himalayas, while feasting on pancakes made from fresh goat’s milk, collected as the dew still nestles on the mountain sides and the children are in hand made crocheted hats…..you get my drift. This had to be real for me to do it. So here’s the reason I am quiet and daily beating down fear. If this ‘fear bashing’ translates into my appetite being subdued then I am ahead of the game. Now where did I put my crocheted hat?

24 thoughts on “Perceptions….

    1. Oh my lovely buddy, it’s not as easy as it looks is it? I am so enjoying following your travels. It is raining incessantly here today and is a perfect day for writing, so I feel brave. I am about to tackle the most painful part of the story….I am going in. Hugs and much ❤ flowing to you. xXx

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      1. Perfect writing day Jane. You are a wonderful wordsmith so I have no doubt once you get the flow and a rewrites, you will find the core of what you’re wanting to evoke. Welcome to authordom! Lol xoxoxo ❤

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        1. Thank you my lovely and yes, I did get a lot of words written yesterday. It is like a cork popping out of a bottle and once it’s down on paper, then other things, thoughts and ideas float up. A work in progress and I am grateful for your loving support. Hugs and much ❤ xXx

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  1. Well, stop bashing yourself and keep writing. Those goat cheese pancake eating types only exist in TV and movies. They are a sham to keep us folks thinking that how we should be, and if we are not we are not worthy. I recently read that people before the 1950s were much happier because they spent time with real people every day on the streets of their neighborhoods. After the advent of TV our yardstick changed and no one was good enough. Not to mention Vogue, Cosmopolitan, Playboy, and Penthouse (my downfall). It is still hard to undo the programming even when I know it is false, it is so pervasive. The point is, regular people want to know what it’s like to be real, and the truth my be very comical, and very refreshing…!

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    1. Hello lovely Pete, here’s to keeping it real and I am off to knitting group this morning. I smile and talk to my neighbours and the folk down on the prom. We so need real connections more and more nowadays. Hugs for you ❤ xXx

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  2. Fear is such a damaging force! You have taken those first few brave steps by beginning your book and by sharing your feelings with us. Keep going, Jane – it will be worth the struggle I am sure! Hugs and love xx ❤ ❤ xx

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  3. Oh Miss Jane… you are one of the bravest women I know. None of that ‘unworthy, not enough’ kind of stuff coming from you. You are amazing in every sense of the world. In case no one has told you today… you are brilliant, you are bold, you are simply stunning! Now adjust your crown, go out there and slay those fear dragons! I love you tons!
    XXXXOXXX!

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    1. Hello my lovely, talking about fear makes us uncomfortable, yet we all hold it. I am writing my buddy and I know that you will come back to writing too. It’s how we slay our dragons us girls. ❤ xXxx ❤

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    1. Thanks Leny and I am carrying on. I wanted to touch on the fear that we all hold, as it can stop us doing so many things. It is, unsurprisingly, a topic that people are uncomfortable talking about. Hugs for you. xXx

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