Healing forgiveness…

Today is a mild, cotton wool cloud kind of day and there is a Spring softness everywhere. I have just come in from sitting outside eating my lunch, watching the water and life flowing past. The man of the house is sitting fishing off the prom and there is a contented energy from him that is catching the drift of nature out there.

This is a special home we all share and the loving feel has been healing. My landlady, with the man of the house by her side, has been flat out this week getting a project finished. As I went outside to take regular breaths of fresh air from work their voices have floated across calling me to come and see their progress. Many funny stories and shared views on life have followed and I have so much gratitude for the love and space I have in their shared home. One of life’s gifts.

Yesterday the special man who kept flowing loving patience my way till I climbed my fear walls and met him on the other side, took me out for the day. We held hands and went exploring; seeing places that are heartfelt for him, pausing for coffee, venturing into a marina, stepping back into the past at a hall and grounds that are unspoilt, walking in meadows and by streams and across little bridges, discovering chocolate box streets with abundant flower pots and hanging baskets, sharing a delicious dinner, singing along to songs in the car and parking up to breath in sweeping views. Sharing, with much laughter and syncronicity. A precious life gift.

I am so unused to being treated romantically with loving respect that today I have needed to be my own counsel. Past choices, dead end decisions, disappointment and hurt started to play out like a painful film in my head. ‘Hang on a minute’ I thought, ‘this is not balanced old girl.’

Self soothing is the order of the day with all the little things that I have discovered work in a loving way, while I potter about in my ‘happy bubble’. Funnily enough, writing is one of them.

Opening up to live fully happens gradually and moves you into vulnerability and heaps of self forgiveness is in the mix.

Holding onto choices made in the past, that ended in disappointment and pain, is a weight that will break anyone eventually. All the loving goodness that has flowed, and may be flowing now, can stay buried if we hang onto the pain.

We are all doing our best and doing whatever we need to do to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Some may not understand our actions, may question our choices and at times go into attack mode. When life gets messy, folk get scared. Yet in this split second, it is all past.

In this present moment new choices can be made and love can flow organically in it’s own sweet way. ❤

22 Responses to “Healing forgiveness…”

  1. 1 elenacaravela June 30, 2017 at 7:45 pm

    It isn’t easy some days, is it. But, you are wise enough to get yourself back on a loving path. The beautiful spot pictured above helps, I’m sure.


  2. 3 Tim and Joanne Joseph June 15, 2017 at 2:06 pm

    Wishing you tender moments on this journey…


  3. 5 frederick anderson May 18, 2017 at 5:43 am

    Yes – I think ‘go with the flow’ would be my comment. I don’t know how often I’ve heard the words ‘I’m afraid of being hurt’: I always feel like responding with ‘Oh, for heaven’s sake!’ Live for the moment, open up all the doors, let love in. Sometimes there is pleasure, sometimes pain, but always there is LIFE!
    Sorry, I’m wandering off, aren’t I? Your writing makes me feel glad for your beautiful day and the glorious things in it – you are such a happy, optimistic person, Jane. You richly deserve the love that gathers about you.


    • 6 Jane Sturgeon May 18, 2017 at 7:24 am

      Oh Frederick, thank you. You didn’t wander off at all. The birds start to sing before the sky lightens, every day. It’s not about being in La La Land and saying everything’s great all the time is it? Life is duality and seeing the sparkles brings in the sweetness. Hugs Xx


  4. 7 Al May 16, 2017 at 11:45 am

    This sounds like a romance novel. This mystery gentleman is starting to get on my good side and I haven’t even met him yet. If he makes you write and feel like this, he’s a jolly good bloke in my book!


  5. 9 dgkaye May 16, 2017 at 1:34 am

    Jane, I’m so happy to hear about your wonderful new relationship progressing along. Sometimes when we’ve come from a bad place in a relationship we question ourselves in a new, good one with doubts about trusting our feelings. I think we learn as we live, and it sounds like you’ve opened your heart to give things a chance once again. Go with the flow my friend. ❤ xo


  6. 12 Clare Pooley May 15, 2017 at 11:29 pm

    A beautiful post, Jane. Such an honest and touching account of your struggle to become vulnerable and open to not only love and happiness but potential hurt again. It is a very courageous thing to do and your special man sounds really lovely – patient, gentle, thoughtful and romantic too. Wishing you all the best, my dear friend xx ❤ xx


  7. 15 ianscyberspace May 15, 2017 at 12:41 am

    What a beautiful attitude you have, and what restful picture you supplied which added to your thoughts.


  8. 17 Leny Owram May 14, 2017 at 3:49 pm

    You have to trust again,lovely Jane…but you are maybe wiser,lessons learned along life’s path….but adventures ahead with a sparkle in your eyes and a twinkle in your toes…enjoy


  9. 19 moonwatcher2 May 14, 2017 at 2:38 pm

    Thank you Jane, for this beautiful post! ” Holding onto choices made in the past, that ended in disappointment and pain, is a weight that will break anyone eventually. Such perfectly wise words!! And perfect timing to read them this morning. So happy for you too! lots of love, Maria‹ps would have commented but I am caught in a wordpress password revolving door. . .xo


  10. 21 jstansfeld May 14, 2017 at 2:13 pm

    Your posts generally exude an overwhelming gentle love of life and nature. This one carries the same ingredient but also shows some of your vulnerability and conveys a hint of past pain. Beautifully written as usual. I hope that things pan out, for you are, indeed, a gem!


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