Deflector shield up….

Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson

I received a letter a few weeks ago with a recall to hospital for more investigations after a routine mammogram. Having walked a path with cancer a few times I had the expectation that I could take news like this in my stride. I didn’t and was instantly swamped in fear, which frightened me more than the news. My deflector shield came up, I closed off and when prodded came out verbally swinging. I was lost to myself for a while.

Georgie guessed that something was badly amiss and within a day he got me to share the news with him. He promised that no matter what happened we would deal with it together, which we did till I got the all clear.

I thanked the hospital team for the gift of their care and attention and it has taken me a few weeks to realise that there was a greater gift nestled within my fearful reaction.

Georgie’s response taught me that love can flow in many ways and I can trust the different ways that others flow with, even if their ways are not like my forms of loving expression. That first day he took me out for a walk and a yummy meal to the place where we had our first date. Over the next few days we leant in to our banter and shared jokes and when we got the all clear he took me out for our favourite breakfast. The one we started each day with in Lisbon; the place where many magic memories were created.

Parkgate, The Wirral

As the days carried on I joined the knitting girls at a Lulu concert and during the show I glanced down the row at all their happy faces. It is many months since we have all been together and the loving light we hold for each other is still there to see.

Then the family gathered for my Mum’s 80th Birthday celebrations. As I looked around the table at her three children and their families, with shared connections, memories and love we all hold for each other. There was a special light shining out.

Happy Birthday Mum ❤

The big lesson in all this is that I no longer need a deflector shield in love. Life has blessed me with a partner who stands beside me in vulnerability and who can meet fear with thoughtful actions. I appreciate his loving ways and celebrate the differences in how we each show love. The expectations on how I was measuring his love have melted away along with my deflector shield. Ohh, the freedom and joy in that. ❤

54 Responses to “Deflector shield up….”

  1. 1 elenacaravela December 19, 2017 at 3:20 pm

    Both gentle and quite powerful, Jane. So glad to know that you are doing well:)

    Liked by 2 people

  2. 3 Tina Frisco December 8, 2017 at 8:06 pm

    So many blessings, Jane. If, like you, all of us would stop and count our blessings each day, gratitude would fill the world and peace would abound. Hugs, sister ♥

    Liked by 1 person

  3. 5 dgkaye December 5, 2017 at 3:31 am

    Oh Jane, I’m so relieved to hear all is well after that scare! You are blessed to have such a lovely man. Stay blessed my friend. ❤ xoxo

    Liked by 2 people

  4. 10 Cynthia Reyes December 4, 2017 at 8:11 pm

    What a beautiful post about facing our fears, and the love of our close ones. I’m so glad you got the all-clear, Jane.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. 12 ShimonZ December 3, 2017 at 8:11 pm

    This is such a beautiful post. There are reasons for fear… it can help us at times, but it’s so dangerous if we overdose. What was most beautiful about this read was the relationship you have with George. I am really happy for you… feel I’ve caught a bit of your happiness as a person might ‘catch’ a cold.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. 14 roughwighting December 3, 2017 at 4:22 pm

    Whew. Beautifully expressed. I’ve put up that deflector shield at times too. And in fact, did the same thing you did when I got a call after a mammogram to ‘come back for further tests.’ So scary! I also finally told my guy, and he had a similar reaction to yours. Just wait. Breathe. Love. All will be fine. And like you, all WAS fine. But like you, I realized if all wasn’t fine, the light from our loved ones will get us through.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. 16 Clare Pooley December 1, 2017 at 11:57 pm

    Oh Jane! I am so sorry you had such a frightening time and so pleased you have had the all-clear! We all show fear and love in different ways and it takes time and patience to appreciate those differences. When I am scared I shut myself off from everyone and become distant; when my mother is frightened she lashes out and is quite horrible to all around her. It is quite easy to alienate our friends by this kind of behaviour and only those who really care about us will stick by us and give us the support we need. How lovely that you and George were able to get through this trial together and have strengthened your love by doing so ❤
    Happy birthday to your mother! She looks so elegant in the photo. 80? No, surely not! Hugs and love xx ❤ ❤ xx

    Liked by 1 person

  8. 21 Helen Jones November 30, 2017 at 10:16 pm

    I’m glad you’re all right, Jane – sending hugs x

    Liked by 2 people

  9. 25 ianscyberspace November 30, 2017 at 10:03 pm

    What a lovely tribute to your Mum and your friend. Wonderful to hear you are in the clear again. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  10. 27 smzang November 30, 2017 at 9:06 pm


    So thankful the news was good.

    A beautiful sharing here.


    Liked by 2 people

  11. 29 Peter Wells aka Countingducks November 30, 2017 at 9:05 pm

    I am so pleased that you are OK and I can imagine how unsettling such an experience can be, and also very pleased that you have a partner with whom you can truly be at home. Blessings:)

    Liked by 2 people

  12. 31 tornadoday November 30, 2017 at 4:26 pm

    That’s wonderful news, Jane (that you are okay)…… I’ve been there before, and have found that regardless my intent, I know exactly where I buried that shield (I’m quite certain I have a couple of extras in the attic)….. Time has gifted me with the knowledge that, regardless the road, I will arrive right on time to open smiles welcoming my return!!! ❤ I love you!

    Liked by 3 people

  13. 34 Jane Stansfeld November 30, 2017 at 4:13 pm

    I’m so glad that it all worked out. I sometimes wonder if fear and not knowing is worse than any diagnosis, especially when the ‘C’ word is involved!
    Love is a wonderful commodity, we are so blessed when we are able to share it with others and it is reciprocated. I believe that it conquers all. Recently I apologized to Dan that I’m a burden with my Parkinson’s and back surgery. He responded ” I married you for eternity.” It reminded me of one of his first expressions of his love was to tell me that he wanted to be with me in heaven. I feel the same way!

    Liked by 2 people

  14. 36 Al November 30, 2017 at 3:51 pm

    What a double blessing. The love and support of a caring mate and an all clear notice, both of which you so richly deserve as you are the support and friend to so many of us.

    Liked by 3 people

  15. 38 John W. Howell November 30, 2017 at 3:09 pm

    All clear is exceptionally good news. Been there myself and feel gratitude for you.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. 41 pensitivity101 November 30, 2017 at 2:20 pm

    I am so pleased for you Jane. The relief must be enormous.
    Hubby was my rock through my cancer treatment. I was lucky I didn’t need chemo just radiotherapy as we found it so early and it was dealt with in a matter of weeks. I’ve had a mammogram and check up since and all is well.
    The support I had from friends in the boating world and people here on WP was truly amazing. I cannot say Thank You enough to everyone who helped me through it.

    Liked by 2 people

  17. 53 davidprosser November 30, 2017 at 2:08 pm

    congratulations Jane. You deserved the all clear. Another battle won. I wish the same for all your friends.
    xxx Massive Hugs xxx

    Liked by 2 people

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