Archive for the 'Thoughts' Category

Tools in a beloved shed….

Some time ago now my tools and personal effects went into storage in the space offered by a kind friend. Emails have been going back and forth as I arrange to move them out around September time. Mention has been made that mice have been living there as well and there may have been the odd nibble or two. Well, it will be what it is and I am grateful for the help when I needed it most.

Gratitude is a tool in a beloved shed.

A loving member of my family and I sat last night in my ‘happy bubble’ having a natter. We agreed that to look back attached suffering and upset and to look forward generated ‘what if’s’ and held fear. This moment that we had together was balanced and filled with love. Right then, the Queen Elizabeth cruise liner left port to a magnificent firework display and the repeated sounding of the ship’s horn. It went on a long time and this comment was made: “I think the Captain’s finger has got stuck”.

Laughter is a tool in a beloved shed.

I am blessed to work from home and to look out onto a peaceful view of water and nature. Everyday connections are made with folk who are struggling and wrestling with themselves and situations in life. Different insights and perspectives flow in and love wraps all in comfort and peace. The moment acceptance is found a door opens.

Acceptance is a tool in a beloved shed.

My loving man suggested we take ballroom dancing lessons together this Autumn and I beamed at him as he said this. It sparked a long forgotten hope and in that second the dust was blown off, old disappointments lifted and a dream stood in all her sparkling glory. ‘Oh, yes please, I would love to do that with you.’

Hope is a tool in a beloved shed.

Storytellers…..

Evening sky over The Mersey

I watched the sky yesterday evening and the colours flowing through were extraordinary. My photo does not do them justice as there were so many of them layered up there.

Layered stories.

Every single one of us is running with the story we tell ourselves and reacting to this and to the stories others flow with. All different stories. All different reactions. We often ask ‘Why?’ without first seeking to understand the story.

‘Beyond wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field, I will meet you there.’ Rumi

Love…..

Courtesy of Liverpool Echo

My days flow as I work watching the tides doing their natural thing, birds riding the thermals and all sorts of crafts sailing on the water. Late on Thursday night and into Friday morning the tall ships sailed in for the festival this weekend and it was a breathtaking sight.

I felt drawn to come and live here, not knowing a soul or the area, with a pull so heartfelt I followed it.

This weekend arrangements flowed in and out and all of us were drawn together by love; of a partner, a brother and a lifelong friend.

Seasons flow with our lives in a state of flux and the world in change. Nothing lasts.

The constant is love. ❤

Rambling roses…….

There’s an old tree growing in the side passageway and the branches spread out at the edge of my kitchen window. It has leaves, but mostly it is covered in ivy and provides a playground for sparrows and chaffinches. Last week I spotted a hint of pink and there was a new fragrance flowing through the window. I went into the street yesterday and there she was in all her glory; a climbing rose, rambling in her own sweet way.

George was unexpectedly free on Saturday afternoon and he called. ‘Would you like me to take you to visit your Mum and Dad, because you’re not able to see them on Father’s Day?’ George rambling in his own wonderful way.

We all sat outside surrounded by my Mum’s pots and flowers as we chatted, ate and shared stories. At one stage George and Dad were up in one of Dad’s workshops (yes, I do mean one) and our food was ready. Mum said ‘Go and call the men Darling, the ice cream is melting.’ As we were leaving Mum placed a knitted jacket in my hands. ‘After your Great Granny got better and her sight returned, the first thing she made was this jacket for you.’ Family love rambling in it’s own special way.

Healing forgiveness…

Today is a mild, cotton wool cloud kind of day and there is a Spring softness everywhere. I have just come in from sitting outside eating my lunch, watching the water and life flowing past. The man of the house is sitting fishing off the prom and there is a contented energy from him that is catching the drift of nature out there.

This is a special home we all share and the loving feel has been healing. My landlady, with the man of the house by her side, has been flat out this week getting a project finished. As I went outside to take regular breaths of fresh air from work their voices have floated across calling me to come and see their progress. Many funny stories and shared views on life have followed and I have so much gratitude for the love and space I have in their shared home. One of life’s gifts.

Yesterday the special man who kept flowing loving patience my way till I climbed my fear walls and met him on the other side, took me out for the day. We held hands and went exploring; seeing places that are heartfelt for him, pausing for coffee, venturing into a marina, stepping back into the past at a hall and grounds that are unspoilt, walking in meadows and by streams and across little bridges, discovering chocolate box streets with abundant flower pots and hanging baskets, sharing a delicious dinner, singing along to songs in the car and parking up to breath in sweeping views. Sharing, with much laughter and syncronicity. A precious life gift.

I am so unused to being treated romantically with loving respect that today I have needed to be my own counsel. Past choices, dead end decisions, disappointment and hurt started to play out like a painful film in my head. ‘Hang on a minute’ I thought, ‘this is not balanced old girl.’

Self soothing is the order of the day with all the little things that I have discovered work in a loving way, while I potter about in my ‘happy bubble’. Funnily enough, writing is one of them.

Opening up to live fully happens gradually and moves you into vulnerability and heaps of self forgiveness is in the mix.

Holding onto choices made in the past, that ended in disappointment and pain, is a weight that will break anyone eventually. All the loving goodness that has flowed, and may be flowing now, can stay buried if we hang onto the pain.

We are all doing our best and doing whatever we need to do to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Some may not understand our actions, may question our choices and at times go into attack mode. When life gets messy, folk get scared. Yet in this split second, it is all past.

In this present moment new choices can be made and love can flow organically in it’s own sweet way. ❤

Loving kindness…..

I had a lovely date on Friday night and as I stood at my front door his smiling face came round the hedged corner and he said ‘Hello, hang on a minute I have something for you’. He disappeared again briefly and to my delight returned with an armful of flowers rustling in floristry wrap. There are now filled vases in every room of my happy bubble (even the kitchen) and my favourite Lisianthus are on my desk beside me as I work. His loving kindness flows in like the sunshine this morning.

There was an interview on the radio yesterday and I sat knitting and listening. A young man was talking about the influences in his life and he mentioned a very good friend of my brother. I had an instant flashback to the happy wedding of my brother and heart sister on a beautiful summer’s day. We all sat on rugs having a picnic out of baskets and I met my brother’s friend for the first time. My heart memory of him is after lunch he arranged the baskets and made a great leap frog game up for the children and their laughter filled the air. We have stayed in touch and he gifted my daughter and I tickets to go and hear him play a few years later. I reached out to him yesterday to share my heart memory and he replied with loving kindness.

A sparkly friend has recently spent a few weeks in Cape Town sharing her yoga and massage skills with different groups out there. There is a wonderful picture of her in a school doing yoga with the children and a young soul was so caught up in happiness, she has her arms wrapped around my friend. The joy of that moment in time is heartfelt and can be seen in their faces. We have shared my love of Africa and I am delighted that she was able to experience it for herself. One morning she sent me a video of the garden in Cape Town as the day started and her loving kindness poured through.

A highly acclaimed author gifted his time and ran a writer’s workshop in Liverpool last week and I was blessed to have a place on it. To share time and get the sense of pure skill from a man who is passionate about what he does was magic. As I shared the feeling of the experience with my gifted friend, who is a professor of creative writing, she made sure I knew that she is here to help me weave my book project together. Loving kindness from them both helping me to find my writing voice.

A quick flash of a memory came in then from a few days ago. A friend who drives a bus stopped the other day and opened his doors.

‘Did you just miss the 411 Jane?’
‘Yes’ I relied laughing.
‘Hop on, I’ll catch him up for you. If I don’t manage to catch him up, at least I can drop you off at the ferry and you’ll have a lovely view till the next one comes along.’

He did catch him up to the sound of applause from his passengers and gratitude from me for his loving kindness.

Love is the bridge….

There was a huge rainbow in the sky over Liverpool yesterday evening and I tried to capture it with my mobile phone camera. My photos did not do justice to the colours and energy that were filling the sky, yet it was there and my heart felt it.

I sat watching in wonder as the base of the rainbow grew larger and shone out with light and dark and all the colours in-between. It sparkled in the sky. The spectrum of life in all its glory, each colour flowing along with the other.

We are pressured in this modern world of ours to look for the light colours in life (to remain positive), while not acknowledging the darker colours and the depths and wisdom contained therein. All colours have their place. In the constant striving for the ‘light’ we battle ourselves within, as in denial of the darker colours we close off to the whole.

Acknowledging all the colours of life; we can observe and bear witness to them, yet we do not have to sink into any one. No one colour holds the key, for they all blend and flow together to make the whole.

They all give light and energy as they flow and the energy is love. ❤


Jane Sturgeon

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