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Kindred spirits…..

I was buying groceries recently and a bunch of Gladioli had fallen out of one of the water tubs, with the stems still tightly in bud and their bottoms bone dry. They were going to be thrown away and I asked if I could have them. As I unpacked my groceries at home, I plunged them into cold water, then later trimmed the stems and popped them into vases dotted about my peaceful bubble. They opened up next morning and are a glorious deep purple.

Life has been messy lately and I have felt ‘out of water’. I flowed along, showing up and trying to nurture my balance. As opportunities presented themselves, I felt a personal responsibility that I needed to run with them all, as if divine timing was at play. My reasoning being that bills needed paying and life keeps going. I felt more weighed down with each day unfolding, then a thoughtful friend from across ‘the pond’ reached out.

Pete, (Grandfathersky), sent an email and attached a book that he had bought a few years ago. It is about all the different things you can do from home to generate income and nestled within it’s pages was a ‘spark’. I shared the spark with the ‘Aqua Babes’ and their loving support fanned it into a flame. I chopped some wood and have started to build a fire around that flame.

The love from kindred spirits that flows into my days, wrapped me in a space where I recalled all the times that ‘sparks’ have lifted me before. I was able to sense which other options were weighing me down and release them.

I am grateful for the kindred spirits who share space, without the need to control, or cage.

‘You are you, just as you are and I am here for you, just as I am. Let’s just be.’ ❤

A pause button appeared…..

The heatwave in the north of the UK has been broken by storms and showers lately and thanks to a creative bit of building work on the flat roof, the sky garden does not drain naturally. A large puddle forms and I go out there and sweep the water towards the drainage hole on the side and this hopefully stops the whole thing from rotting.

I have got run down lately and my health has creaked. Feeling rough and trying to work, I watched the pool on the roof. The birds were having a great time coming to bathe and splash about and some of them just sat in the water, watching the world go by. I left them too it and didn’t rush to sweep the water away.

With work I found my elastic patience had less give and when I was reaching for words of comfort and support for others, I was struggling.

I went back to watching the birds.

It was time to pause, but as you know you can’t just stop, as even a pause has financial implications.

My heart brother called and I mentioned my craving for a pause. Without the need for explanation, he understood and offered a temporary role, where I could help him in his business, stay self employed, and have a much needed break from the work I do now. I can do this, run with the other strands of income I have and step back from the service.

So, like the birds, I am splashing about and letting a new daily round evolve. Flowing with my new projects and also, making time for creativity. My dip into experimenting with newspaper weaving was not a riotous success last weekend. I produced a basket that resembled something I had brought home from school and proudly presented to my Mum when I was little. ‘It’s lovely, Darling, thank you.’ she would have said. It sparked a new idea of weaving pieces with all sorts of yarn, so watch this space, as I may share the result of that exploring, but not the newspaper basket.

It’s a good time to pause, splash and feel into change.

Our furry friends know….

‘Image from Pixabay’

Nowadays, it’s all too easy to get overwhelmed and to keep pushing, doing, solving, fixing and hoping that this will balance everything out.

A pause to let things settle; to see what actually needs our attention and what we can just let be, is what we need when overwhelm hits. There are probably some spinning plates that can be left to drop too, if only we get the quiet and space to see that.

One evening this week I dive bombed into the pool for Aqua Zumba and it hit me; I was worn out on all levels. I had missed it building up and as I walked home, I felt weepy.

A dog, taking an evening stroll with her Dad, came alongside me and nudged my leg with her head. I slowed my pace right down to her amble and stroked her head. She kept walking beside me, nudging my leg and looking up.

Her ‘Dad’ laughed and said ‘Anbody would think she was with you.’

I smiled at him and asked her name.

‘Tess’ he smiled back, and with silent empathy he left Tess and I to amble back to the end of my home street together.

Tess and I nattered about the weather, her day and mine, and I carried on stroking her head, as she rubbed against my leg.

Yesterday, blessed with the flexibility of self employment, I was able to drop the reins for a few hours and nap. Then I was clear on what actually required my attention.

Bless Tess and Boris, as I am going to spend the weekend caring for him at his home and bless life’s grace to be with our furry friends, who just know. ❤

When routine blinds us

Mindfulbalance

From one of my favourite writers…

Yesterday morning I was going through the routine. I was by the door, and since I knew that it would take the little angel some time to get into the car, I told her to get a head start. I pushed the button to open the door of the minivan, and went back to get the other kids pushed out of the house. By the time I came back outside, my little girl was in the car, in her booster seat.

In one smooth motion, I jumped in, slammed the door, buckled myself in, and was ready for the … driving routine to school. When I looked back in the rear view mirror, I saw my little girl in tears.

Slammed on the break. “Honey, what is wrong?” The sweet girl mentioned, “You didn’t notice it.”
My mind is racing. “Didn’t notice what, my love?”
She softly…

View original post 392 more words

Sparkle…

Many moons ago, when my daughter was in Sixth Form, the lady heading up the careers section at school called me. ‘We’ve got a evening planned for the girls Jane, where we’re helping them with their CVs and offering careers advice. Could you come along and help?’ I popped it into my diary without a thought and carried on with my day.

Ignorance is bliss.

I arrived at the school that evening and found my way to Ann, who was busy directing everyone to their seats and she pointed to mine. The event was being held in the main hall, which was imposing at the best of times, and she had highlighted a chair at the end of a semi circle of fifteen seats, which had been placed in front of many rows fast filling up with expectant pupils.

‘What is that?’ I enquired.

‘It’s for the panel of speakers, Jane.’

I gulped. ‘Speakers, what speakers?’

‘Well’ she smiled (yes, really) ‘you all give a short ten minute speech and then we reconvene in the library and the girls choose who they want to have a longer session with.’

It was a bit late in the day to suddenly be asking questions, so I went and sat down, silently praying for help.

I found myself seated to a lovely professor from a local University and we introduced ourselves and smiled at others on the panel. The evening started and the first speaker stood up and did his bit. It didn’t take a degree in rocket science to work out that each speaker was an expert in the fields of careers, human relations, marketing and public relations. I wasn’t and I was the last one in the row.

During a brief pause, I mentioned this to the new friend seated beside me. He confidently predicted that every single aspect of career advice would have been covered by the time they got to us.

‘What are you going to talk about?’ I squeaked at him.

‘I am going to fall back on being a professor and my chosen subject at University’ he grinned back at me.

‘It’s surprising how fast you can go off some people’ I hissed back at him, with a smile.

‘I’ll buy a coffee in the break’ he whispered.

So, like a bush fire out of control, it fast came to be my turn to speak and I remember that moment as if it was yesterday.

I stood up and looked along the rows at all the girls and smiled at them. Then I started to walk along slowly at the front and as I talked my hands wove expressions of their own. I spoke about inner sparkle and how each of them was unique. How they all have inner energy and they just needed to find the places where it could fly free. Testing, discovering, honing and learning to trust their own instincts as they went along. There was no such thing as mistakes, it was all about discovery. Honouring themselves and the sparkles they flew with along the way.

I spent time afterwards talking to some of them individually; about their hopes and dreams, supporting those who had no idea what their inner sparkle was yet and about the expectations being placed on them and how to weave in and around those. There were many shared hugs that night.

I was reminded about feeling our inner sparkle today, as I was nattering to a blogging friend in America about taking chances. Yesterday evening, us girls gathered for an Aqua Zumba session at the pool and as the ladies were gracefully lowering themselves into the water, a special buddy looked at me and winked.

‘I’m dive bombing in’ she said and launched herself in at the deep end.

I hesitated for a second and then took off after her. As we surfaced spluttering and creased with laughter, our inner sparkles called out in delight.

Note to selves: stop talking and close mouths before entering the water!

Just to be…

I was on the service yesterday evening and the folk reaching out for help are facing heartbreak from all sorts of situations. It was peaceful here and still and with each one that made contact I gently suggested that they pause, just for a few moments, just to be.

When we’re in pain, or facing a situation that is uncomfortable, we naturally seek to lift it. ‘If only this, or that could happen, I’ll feel OK’ we say to ourselves and anyone else who is listening. Placing our peace in some future time and situation, battening down the hatches on how we feel now and stopping ourselves from moving through the discomfort.

It’s all love from my perspective. So, as we face heartbreak, love can soothe, if we can pause to just be. In the deafening din of our inner scripts, our constant activity and our quest for relief, we forget to love ourselves.

As I got ready to start the day this morning, my mind started up and was happily adding things to an imaginary ‘to do’ list. I paused and made a conscious choice to go and sit outside. I felt the breeze on my skin and then watched it move through the trees. The birds are used to me now and they come to feed and drink close by. When the food is finished one pigeon has taken to having a natter, with his head on one side. I am sure he’s asking for more. Just be, my friend, just be.

Romantic rescuing…

I made a new video for my YouTube channel yesterday and it’s a tricky topic, so I pushed myself into a vulnerable space to share from my own experience. There’s a fine line between sharing to support others and simply banging on about yourself, so I hope I haven’t crossed it!

It has taken me many years to work something out and I did not truly ‘get it’ until I understood my ‘Why’. Also, as I work with my spirit guides, I see things in pictures, so I tend to talk that way. This story is full of pictures….

I have been a romantic lighthouse and rescuer for many years. My natural way of being would shine a loving light and this drew in souls who were struggling to sail in ‘holed’ boats. They would beach themselves on my rocks and I would don my rescue cape and dash down with my repair kit. I compounded this by not only trying to repair their boats, but then jumping in and sailing with them. Some of these adventures lasted many years and I would be called upon to repair new holes and keep the boat afloat.

This was ‘roses round the door, birds singing in a blue sky’ kind of thinking and not balanced. My own boat had holes and I was trying to repair it and bail it out by doing the same thing for others, whilst not repairing my own.

The latest painful relationship break-up brought me to my senses. The pain was so acute, that this time I cracked wide open and had no choice but to lovingly ask myself ‘Why’.

You see it is no-one else’s fault. Their boats, the water they sail in, the sails they set, the harbours they enter and the actions they take; are their lives and choices. I needed to make different choices and in order to do that, I had to understand why I was making the choices I had been.

So I paused. Life carries on and I still needed to flow care to those I love and to make a living to support myself, but I stripped everything else back.

I came to see my peaceful home as a boat house, as I left the lighthouse life behind (along with my cape and rescue kit) and went to work on my boat.

I started to do things I love, drawing threads of those into my everyday and I also experimented with new things. Nothing happens instantly, so I gift myself time too.

Recently, I have taken my repaired and re-vamped boat out sailing. She’s holding up well, and with gentle on-going adjustments, I am trying out a new business (alongside my existing one) and venturing further afield. I feel grateful for the myriad of blessings that flow from sailing with other souls, who are out there in all manner of craft, as the sea winds of life flow between us, yet we all sail together with loving curiosity.

Aug ’18 update: I have removed all my videos from YouTube.


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