Posts Tagged 'connected'

Connections at Nowroos…..

Nowroos is today and it is the Persian New Year, also known as the Iranian New Year.

We are all connected and the notion of separateness is simply that, a notion.

A client was in touch this morning with a tricky business situation and he is gathering advice from two quarters. It was only a matter of time before my perception and suggestions on a forward course were the total opposite to the other advice he was receiving. There is no right or wrong here as no-one stands alone and we are all connected. What matters at the end of the day is the choices our client makes and how they sit with him, because he has to live with them.

We gather information, and goodness only knows it is coming at us left, right and centre in this modern world we inhabit, and we make our own choices. We then need to own those choices. Taking some time and sitting in peace to check in with ourselves, will help us to sift and sort on all the information we gather and already hold within. We can trust in our own guidance systems and the loving support of others is the icing on the cake.

I have just received a message from a lovely young man who I was fortunate to meet last year. It said ‘Happy Nowroos to you Jane and your dear family. I wish you a year full of good news and lots of success’.

It is unlikely that he will ever see his family again and I remember a meal we all gathered together for last year. Our hostess had made a beautiful soup with fresh bread and a talented lass from Saudi Arabia had brought along some tasty dough balls that she had made. The conversation turned to where they had all come from and the Saudi lass put her verbal boxing gloves on. Her questions were defensive and rather charged, but what caught my attention was how my Iranian friend handled them. He didn’t inflame the situation, or patronise, and he was gentle and humble with his replies. Wisdom belying his tender years was coming off him in waves. I asked him how he had come to this country and with humour, self deprecation, and leaving out sharp details, he touched on his story. I was unable to speak when he had finished and we started to eat. As we sat side by side I noticed that he was pulling his bread apart. This lovely man is running at such a pure frequency he misses nothing and he caught my unspoken question and explained that he dislikes crusts. Still unable to speak, I pulled my bread apart and exchanged his crusts and put my soft parts on his plate. We exchanged a tender look and have stayed in touch ever since.

We are all connected. ❤

Love weaving through stories, vulnerability, heartfullness and authenticity…

DSC_1273

Emily made me these butterflies a few years ago and when they go up love is here.

I have just offered a shelf system up against the bathroom room so our landlord can tell if it is level before he fixes it in place. The Victorian wall behind it is undulating to say the least, so is it truly level? Not according to the spirit level, but we have gone by eye and what feels right. We now have a full house and there are three of us girls with bedrooms on the first floor, so thoughtfully our landlord is installing extra shelves in the bathroom. We have other bathroom options in our home, but this bathroom has a huge bath and there is much comfort in our bottles and nurturing lotions nestling together as we share the space.

It’s an authentic bathroom.

I have my inner peace back and am grateful to be reuniting with my authentic self. It has helped me to realise why I lost her in the first place and surprisingly how far back that goes.

We all have vulnerabilities and circumstances that we flow with in our daily lives. To be afraid to acknowledge those vulnerabilities, never mind speak about them to others, is how we protect ourselves. It’s how we manage. Sadly it can lead to a disconnectedness that leads to disharmony and loss of self. Those circumstances can also lead to a definition of self that is not authentic.

I have debt from my marriage and yes, I have reduced it by a considerable amount and managed to live with it, but I have allowed the feelings of failure and ‘pinch’ to define me. All leading to a sense of loss of self. Money is an energy and debt can lead to more debt and it’s a tricky thing to get hold of. It, and I, have tumbled while trying to get to grips with it.

My beautiful daughter has struggled with the breakdown of our family unit and as her Mum, her pain is my pain. She made the decision last year to step away from me in an effort to make sense of how she felt. We have a thin thread of connection, so there is not total silence between us, but grief was born the day of her decision.

I have been doing my best to manage and flow love to both situations, in the ever held hope that balance will be restored.

I threw myself into setting up the workshop where I restored and re-upholstered furniture. Never having done anything like this before I learned as I went, asking for advice, watching clips on the internet and always saying ‘I can have a go at that’ and I did. Whilst doing this I decorated the workshop inside and out and decorated the flat I was renting from a friend. I glance back now and I was running full pelt away from pain. My sense of self as a Mum and a competent business woman had taken a hammering and I was living fueled by loss.

My authentic self was drowned out and into this mix came Paul.

I have always loved nature, people (especially little ones) and animals. I did not go into detail with him on my past, or my vulnerabilities, but I said enough for the manipulation to start. He shared his huge family with me and we all delighted in our new connections. The first time I met his younger daughters we sat at the kitchen table together making cards and amidst the glitter, paint and glue we started to love each other. At family gatherings little grandchildren would potter near us and climb on my lap to play and natter. Older grandchildren would visit so that we could send time together. Paul offered me some time off (with no deadline), so that when I first moved in with him he could be a real partner. He offered rest, recovery, a safe haven and I could choose how I flowed my time. I could potter in the house nesting, or spend time with the animals helping to milk, look after the herd and also I could learn how to lamb. The money that I had coming in could completely go towards debt clearance. He would help me carry the load. I could talk to him about anything, be myself and my defences came tumbling down. Being part of a huge family was a joy for me and my cup runneth over.

He drew me in to be a part of the script of his life and the film was fake.

Now I have worked out the ‘why’ and ‘how’ it happened and I am coming back to my authentic self. There is freedom in telling the story.

To live with an open heart is to show vulnerability, yet I have learned that to have defences is to live in fear. In running from pain I lost touch with my authenticity.

Self awareness is key.

I am aware of my circumstances, yet they do not define me. I can feel my pain, yet I do not live in fear.

In the stillness I am authentic and love is the only voice.


Jane Sturgeon

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