Posts Tagged 'daughter'

No one expects you to save the world, otherwise you would have been born wearing a cape and tights!

daffodils-455359_1280

I sit here writing this post at Emily’s laptop surrounded by her things, as a glass of daffodils hold hope on the windowsill.

The title of this post are the words on a poster above her bed and it ends by saying ‘Just do the best you can’. A supportive gift from her boyfriend.

‘Us girls’ are spending time together and talking through her plans for when she leaves Uni in a few months time. This afternoon Em has gone off to a seminar and I will make a lasagne for us to share when she returns later. Loving support and yummy food go a long way to making life sweet. I listen and offer support in the way of practical things I could do to help, but I am not here to tell her what to do. She has much wisdom, balance and her own instinct to guide her.

From my perspective there is no such thing as mistakes along the road; we can but try different paths and adjust as we go along. No experience is ever wasted. Loving support means everything and a life where those around you offer space for you to talk and work things out for yourself is the kindest way forward. There will always be those who do not understand your choices, the situation you are in and why you take the steps you do. There is flowing grace in listening to your inner voice and holding the hope that all is unfolding with love.

Life can get messy and everyone’s ‘operating system’ is different. There have been times when I have been told that I never stick at things, when my loyalty and loving actions have flown under the radar and I found myself alone on the front line taking the flack for the consequences. False accusations and stories can fly and the hardest thing is to stay silent, retain an open loving heart and continue to step forward.

For me it is not balanced to have expectations on what someone can do for you, or for what you can get from a situation. Balance comes from holding an open heart and flowing loving support for all concerned and in that way ‘A rising tide raises all ships’.

I know in my heart that Emily has choices to make and her own ‘operating system’ will evolve. I cannot protect her from imbalance coming in from others ‘operating systems’, but I can be there with flowing love and support and the ‘shared knowledge’ of self that is hopefully the sturdiest shield in her armoury.

Magic moments as Em and I get a whole day to spend together….

Em and 4

Emily has turned 22 and we have been planning a day together since Christmas and on Monday this week we pulled it off.

I headed down the motorway to Leicester and we spent the day doing all the things we love together. Leicester is a thriving city and two universities give it a very young feel. They have ‘lanes’ going off the city centre, just like Brighton, and the little shops up there were tailor made for us girls. We ‘oohhed and aahhed’ over paintings, glasswork, pottery and crafty gifts. We sat in a wonderful deli having lunch and caught up with our news. It felt like we were in Italy. A local wool shop gave us new knitting ideas and projects and the vintage and secondhand furniture shops are a treasure trove of fun.

Em took me to a place called ‘Ocean Commotion’ and some of her childhood memories floated up while we looked in all the tanks. The marvelous colours of the little fish and the gentle burble of the air in the tanks took us to another world for a while. Em remembered when she was little and we used to take her to a garden centre with a special place full of fish tanks. She loved those trips. I remembered two goldfish her Dad won at a fun fair years ago. ‘Gordon and Herbet’ lived with us for quite a while in the big glass bowl I found in a junk shop.

Magic moments float up as I think back to Monday. As the sun set (somewhere high up above, because it tipped down with rain all day) there were little twinkly lights that came on outside the shops. One place was covered in them right up the front from the display window to the roof three stories above. In another there was a studio above a gallery that had us both feeling a longing to get up there and paint. We found a cosy Irish pub and sat and nattered while I sewed a popper onto Em’s coat that kept flapping in the wind. The butterfly umbrella my Mum gifted Em was in use all day, but the weather did nothing to dull our shine.

We had a great time in a restaurant Em had discovered for our dinner. It offered a world buffet and I needed her guidance on several occasions as I looked at food I did not recognise. The staff were great and caught our fun mood and we left there with many good wishes and paper hats on our heads.

As we said ‘au revoir’ to each other Em put a huge bag of clothes, that she no longer wears, in my hand and I have already worn a spangly top that was nestling in there. She also discovered a lovely skirt and scarf in a charity shop for the new work I am doing on platform. She is one canny and thoughtful shopper.

Em is in her final year at Uni and has a 10,000 word dissertation before her in the next few months. We shared memories of the degree choices she had before her just a few short years ago, because she chose the unexpected. She made the best choice for her and I applaud her courage in following her heart, as she is flying with it. She has carved a lovely life out for herself in Leicester and has got out and about exploring and found all sorts of places. Her new friendships there have brought blessings forth and she has discovered much about herself.

Life flows and things rarely go to plan, as our children grow up, and in my case a marriage ends. Emily is a priceless gift from my marriage and life’s gifts continue to flow in the magic moments we have together.

Em and I 1

Love on the walls…

Butterfly love

There are so many higgeldy-piggeldy apartments here that we have a rustic mail box set-up under the trees in the courtyard where we park. It works and I have learnt to be quick off the mark in collecting my post when it rains. I go up there first thing each morning and a few days ago there was a little package waiting for me. When I opened it there were all these butterflies nestling in pink tissue paper and a little note on top from Emily, my daughter, saying ‘These are to match your paintings Mum’.

I look around my home and Emily is everywhere and each creative piece evokes memories. From the paintings she created especially for here, to the ceramic tea-light church and bowl she made as a child. Some of her marbles are in a vase here and their buddies are in a hand decorated Kilner jar that she uses as a door stop at Uni. Loving links and memories are everywhere.

One of my paintings

When Em was three I had a little business where I painted terracotta pots for garden centres. She’d stand by the understairs cupboard asking me what I needed ‘size wise’ and she learned to count with those pots. If I close my eyes I can see her doing it now. Often she would sit beside me painting her own. I used to leave them to dry on the kitchen windowsill and we had lovely neighbours Dave and Flo, aross the way. Dave would come up the garden path and kneel down to chat to Em. ‘What have you been making our Em?’ he used to say and she’d show him her pots. He would commission her to paint him some and she’d put the earnings into her moneybox. Dave always displayed her pots in his garden where she could see them when we walked past. We all adored him.

Both ‘us girls’ comfort, balance and work things out in life by creating. Emily has been creating lately and her paintings are on a whole new level.

Buttefly Heart

Vision

I sit here looking at her butterflies and remember the loving moment that breathed life into her latest creations. At her Dad’s there are some gorgeous new ‘grandchild’ members of her extended family. The little brothers were visiting recently and the toddler was bored, so Em got her paints out and started making pictures with him. They made a ‘handprint’ picture which he loved, so Em involved his baby brother and his Mum. There is a special video of Em holding the baby’s hands as she placed them on the canvas where he is chuckling and chatting away to her, with his little legs kicking out, and not once do his eyes leave her face. Those moments captured on film are very precious. The main canvas with all their handprints is a work of love and Em joined some of the hands as butterflies. I know their Mum will treasure those paintings and from this Em started to make butterflies and 3D paintings with hearts and butterflies.

Family Love Paintings

They are a work of love and I now have love flying on my walls. May you always create Em and flow with love Darling girl, for you will always have my love.

Butterflies


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