Trust…

The past few months have been a time of uncertainty, upheaval, reflection, living with the unknown, trusting and flowing love for all of us. I count my blessings in health, my loved ones, the technology that enables us to connect and the ability to work from home. From my perspective, extremes are showing themselves in behaviours and situations, which are adding to an awful lot of noise out there, making life an emotional roller-coaster to navigate. Yet, there are gifts in the way barriers, armour, subterfuge, veils, spin and deceit are being stripped away.

Without detail or judgment, a pattern of upsetting behaviour from my landlady has peaked. It is not personal as she behaves this way with everybody and up until now, I have chosen not to tackle it, thereby allowing it. Over the last three years, I have reassured family and friends that I can handle it and prided myself on being able to slip under her radar. There was a moment recently when all veils were stripped away and it was clear that enough was enough. I see it as a gift from lockdown.

My research and exploring online led me to a landlord who is professional, thoughtful and listens. When I found him and we spoke over the telephone, I kept the details brief, he asked insightful questions, pondered and made a suggestion. He felt the original place I was enquiring about was not right for me. However, there was a home his company are currently renovating and he suggested I could view it in our allocated thirty minutes a day outside for exercise, as it was empty.

It is self-contained, private, spacious, light-filled, with its own South facing walled garden, space to create, work and write, in a lovely area with a thriving community, all amenities within walking distance including the Irish Sea, nearer to my buddies and quiet. As I looked around and discovered all it had to offer, my heart started a joyful song. Afterwards, I sat outside in the car and rang him, when he caught my delighted gratitude and I felt his.

I can move on my own, observing social distancing and not putting anyone else at risk and that will happen in just under a months time.

Staying here and not tackling things out of fear, blocked so much and I can see that now. I used to call this ‘my happy bubble’ being next to the water and with the loving connections of neighbours. Nothing happens in isolation and with me thinking I could handle it, that draining energy leaked into everything and the air in my bubble became unhealthy. I have always said to those who seek my help; when a change is needed then life will squeeze you in that situation, till you can see it. The way this has unfolded and the abundance that has started to flow from the flash of insight is humbling.

How others behave is their choice. How others feel about us is their business. How we react and the choices we make are ours.

I am grateful and flowing love to you all. ❤

A day’s freshness…

Tip toeing through the stillness of the house, I observed the sunrise from our ‘garden in the sky’.

Unplanned this weekend, my lovely young neighbour (who lives on the same floor as me) and I sat on a shared blanket outside on the flat roof and knitted together. She is gracefully flowing through on some life changes, as am I, and our conversation weaved in and out with the yarns we were using. At one stage she looked at me and said:

‘Gosh, look how my scarf is growing as we talk. While my hands are busy, my thoughts are coming out whole.’

We shared ideas and plans and after we’d both finished work yesterday, we carried on as she tested out my new sofa arrangement. I am sure our gentle murmurings and shared laughter drifted downstairs.

I did something on Saturday night that put a foot back in the past temporarily and that called for loving dollops of self forgiveness. Then yesterday I wrapped my addled brain around the GDPR implementations (European data privacy) needed for my blog and web site and researched a new software platform for my work. All flowing changes and also, sparks for memories of things and connections that have been tried and left in the past.

Us girls talked about how we are coping with our changes, how things are unfolding and we both become aware of something that underpinned all we were sharing. We change our clothes every day, yet the cloak of emotions we carry can stay the same.

We both let a little fresh air into our cloaks this weekend and I feel lighter this morning. ❤

It’s OK to be human…..

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I was looking for a photo for a friend today and I found this one. I had such fun on that farm a few years ago. Nothing was as expected, but there were so many gifts nestled within those ten days that I look back on it with joy.

Looking at the tractor and digger photos also remind me of what I hold inside and what I am capable of.

There is this myth that as spiritual beings we are always calm, transcending obstacles and flowing a ‘Zen’ like energy at all times. Rubbish!! (Yes Mum I was tempted to write another word there….). We are spiritual beings having a human experience and within that experience we all get angry, sad, upset, hurt, down, weepy, fed-up, bored and a myriad of other emotions. It’s natural and OK to have them, to be real and authentic to you.

We are not those emotions though…they do not define us.

What defines us is how long we hold onto them. Ralph Waldo Emerson commented that a minute of anger, was sixty seconds of happiness lost. A wise man. X

If we can observe our feelings and acknowledge them, yet not attach to them, then we are free of their hold on us. It falls to us to help ourselves by being brave enough to learn the ‘tools’ and things we can do to observe and not attach to emotions. It’s OK to feel emotion, it’s natural and human. The trick is not to stay in that state. We can use our own ‘tools’ and also be vulnerable enough to turn to others for help when we need it. No one size fits all ‘tool’ wise and we, and our lives, change, so it’s an ever evolving practice. A practice of love and self-nurturing.

Into the mix above we also have humour and I have a few mental signs that get used quite often…..these can be emailed privately upon request.

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How liberating to discover that a response is sourced from old pain and has absolutely nothing to do with ‘now’…….

We respond to something that has been said or done and our spirits drop a little (or a lot) and there goes our balance….but does it need to?

We condition ourselves with our responses and these can be wrapped in the cloak of past pain. If your response feels familiar just pause for a moment and ask yourself is it an accurate reflection of what is happening now? Memories and past experiences are filed away in a very long cabinet and even though they are not in your immediate conciousness, your subconcious will automatically draw them out when you are presented with something similiar to an old scenario.

Taking a few seconds to think can re-write your script and your response and with that objectivity comes balance.

Freeing ourselves from these old emotional responses is like shedding a skin and now you’re getting to the real you.

In the ocean of life all of our emotions are waves and we choose which ones to ride and the ones we allow to hit the beach untouched…

I was painting away yesterday with the radio on when a line from a song permeated my creative fog; ‘I’m going to pick up the pieces and build a Lego house and if things go wrong I can knock it down’ and this set off a train of thought and here it comes.

Stuff happens; people do things that affect other people, governments mess-up, companies make difficult decisions, we have unseasonal weather, health issues crop up, we lose loved ones, close friends move to the other side of the world and the list goes on and on. We choose how we react though. When the shock has subsided we choose the main emotion to carry from any given situation. We choose, so therefore we have a choice. With that belief when the next challenge comes along, as it most assuredly will, we have a choice.

We choose which wave to ride.

Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary – Mark Twain

A friend of mind often shys away from anything emotional with the comment ‘Ooh that’s an emotional response, I am not dealing with that!’. I always smile and stay silent, but I have some thoughts to share on the emotional front and they may strike a chord with some of you.

We are emotional, spiritual beings living in a physical world and therein lies a dilemma for all of us. If we deny our emotions and always focus on the practical, then we are storing up a whole heap of trouble for ourselves. When you deny anything repeatedly, it builds and rises up at inopportune moments and not in a way that we can usually control. By focusing on the practical ‘to do’ aspect of life, then your emotions are not acknowledged and they have a way of paying you back when ignored!

I am not for a minute suggesting that you go around ‘splurging’ your feelings out on all and sundry, but a quiet acknowledgment to yourself on how you feel is a healthy thing to do. Also, at times when you feel overwhelmed emotionally then turning to a trusted loved one who will listen and help you make sense of what’s going on is also a blessed relief.

By listening to emotions our heart gets to offer guidance in it’s purest form and this in turn settles emotions in your system because they are being acknowledged. Couple your emotions with wisdom from past events and life lessons learnt, then your instinct will come into it’s own.

Everything in your system needs balance and harmony and your emotions are an important part of you.