I am so grateful to Jay for asking me to write this post and spotlighting it. I enjoyed writing this. ❤
I bobbed out yesterday to spend a bit of time at my soon to be new berth. Lynn’s lovely home is a treat to be in and as soon as I logged off from work I shot over there like a bullet out of a gun. As I rounded the corner there was a horse and pony grazing on the green opposite. It’s Easter holidays here and the children were watching in delight.
Lynn and I had a great time planning my move and where things will go next weekend. Her home is full of thoughtful touches and her care continued as she suggested a desk in the sitting room window. I can work, write and look outside at the green, the sky and life. That keeps work out of my bedroom and I think this will add to my inner peace.
I sailed out of there into Morrison’s to do some grocery shopping and when I came to pay I discovered that I had forgotten my purse. So I went back home, returned to Morrison’s, paid for my shopping and then walked back up the hill again. That’s when feelings started to rise up. As Sarah and I sat nattering and eating our dinner together last night I wept. I am upset about change again, angry at our landlord for not seeing the situation that he has created and I woke up this morning still thoroughly out of sorts. In this line of work you are front line and can’t hide. So I tried to ‘park’ how I felt and work anyway. This plan failed and my lovely colleagues stepped in and hands were held out with support.
I can handle the practicalities of the move, yet the emotions are a different thing and have got a wee bit tangled up. I am scared of hurt, of things going awry, of having to deal with goodness knows what, so I am not allowing myself to feel hopeful about this change.
As one colleague said this morning ‘Jane, lean on me, I am here, for goodness sake lean’. So I leant. Not my normal stance, but hey it’s time for change. Change happens all the time and if I can lean into this one and melt into each moment, then my attitude stays balanced. It is what it is and I am surrounded by loving support. Letting go of any expectations, including fear filled ones, is lovingly graceful. I also get to see Mum and Dad this weekend and to drive a hired van. Such fun. Ohh, and I have booked a manicure, after all self nurture needs to be practical too doesn’t it?
‘Everything will be all right in the end and if it’s not all right, then it’s not yet the end.’ so said the character Sonny Kappor in one of my favourite films ‘The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel’.
Life unfolds and we all make the best we can of what is in front of us. We hold hope and trust that all will work out, with some times being a lot trickier than others.
I do not profess to have all the answers, but I have the belief that when we let go and allow the universe to step in, then all will unfold naturally. I think the letting go is about putting down in our hearts and minds our vision of how things should unfold. If we become set on how something should be, then it can get twisted. Whatever the circumstances, by acting from love with all our thoughts, words and actions, then things get a chance to have the breath of life flow through.
Last Saturday night, David and I sat opposite each other enjoying a lovely dinner, which was not planned. We have spent the last few months doing our own thing, working away at new projects, tending to our lives, yet never losing touch with each other as our loving support continued. We believed that in our discussions we were gently helping each other come to terms with the grief of our parting and helping each other to move forward.
Wry chuckle from upstairs at this point, which some of you out there may have heard, but we certainly didn’t!
We sat across the table on Saturday and to our mutual surprise we had a different discussion as we held hands. Our perspectives had shifted, we were both talking to each other in a new way and the realisation gradually floated up that our loving support had crafted a new way forward.
The universe had whispered, her song was heard and we have been blessed with love for a new start.
Anais Nin said ‘My ideas usually come not at my desk writing but in the midst of living’ and my following thoughts came from a recent conversation with a close friend.
Hope is the…
voice in your heart that speaks your dearest wishes
belief that all is as it is meant to be right now
heartfelt call to find blessings in any situation
gift to seek the best in everyone.
trying to change the outcome
non-acceptance of what will be
moulding life not flowing with it.
Hope is living with love threaded through all our actions and expectations are the stones that weigh down dreams and prolong situations that really are events that belong in the past.