Posts Tagged 'life'

Buds are appearing…

Yesterday the weather had settled a little and the Isle of Man catamaran ran again. She sailed through the gentle falling rain into port, yet with barely a ripple on the water. Today it is lashing it down with a mixture of snow and sleet with rain and hardy fisherman are sheltering in their tents on the prom, not even letting the weather deter them from their ‘timeout’.

There is a natural cycle that is never ending out there as the branches are waving in the wind. All the old leaves have fallen and if you look closely enough the signs of new buds are coming. The tree roots go way down into the ground, yet the branches, buds, blossom, fruit and leaves change throughout each year. Occasionally, the tree breaks and uproots when the storms rage.

I have been given pause to ponder lately on what happens when we don’t let our old leaves drop. Hanging on putting additional weight and pressure on our branches and in time choking the promise of life out of any new buds.

There is a vulnerability in letting the leaves go, as our branches are left bare and exposed with every single knot, scar, wrinkle, dent and bump there for all who care to see.

Carrying old leaves will give us a tree that resembles the old tree and the added weight can bend the branches beyond anything recognisable, as we shelter behind old foliage.

It’s painful to let the wind blow through your bare branches and feel the rainfall. Yet the wisdom in letting the rain in nourishes roots, allows the wind to strengthen foundation and the light to nurture new buds.

I am more than aware of the simplicity of my words and the meaning contained therein, yet sometimes the cry for simplicity can rage through the wildest of storms.

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Deflector shield up….

Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson

I received a letter a few weeks ago with a recall to hospital for more investigations after a routine mammogram. Having walked a path with cancer a few times I had the expectation that I could take news like this in my stride. I didn’t and was instantly swamped in fear, which frightened me more than the news. My deflector shield came up, I closed off and when prodded came out verbally swinging. I was lost to myself for a while.

Georgie guessed that something was badly amiss and within a day he got me to share the news with him. He promised that no matter what happened we would deal with it together, which we did till I got the all clear.

I thanked the hospital team for the gift of their care and attention and it has taken me a few weeks to realise that there was a greater gift nestled within my fearful reaction.

Georgie’s response taught me that love can flow in many ways and I can trust the different ways that others flow with, even if their ways are not like my forms of loving expression. That first day he took me out for a walk and a yummy meal to the place where we had our first date. Over the next few days we leant in to our banter and shared jokes and when we got the all clear he took me out for our favourite breakfast. The one we started each day with in Lisbon; the place where many magic memories were created.

Parkgate, The Wirral

As the days carried on I joined the knitting girls at a Lulu concert and during the show I glanced down the row at all their happy faces. It is many months since we have all been together and the loving light we hold for each other is still there to see.

Then the family gathered for my Mum’s 80th Birthday celebrations. As I looked around the table at her three children and their families, with shared connections, memories and love we all hold for each other. There was a special light shining out.

Happy Birthday Mum ❤

The big lesson in all this is that I no longer need a deflector shield in love. Life has blessed me with a partner who stands beside me in vulnerability and who can meet fear with thoughtful actions. I appreciate his loving ways and celebrate the differences in how we each show love. The expectations on how I was measuring his love have melted away along with my deflector shield. Ohh, the freedom and joy in that. ❤

Circles of change….

First thing this morning the light was full of depth and I sat here preparing to start work filled with peace.

The tides are different every day and today the spray is flying high in the wind out there. I sit listening and talking to troubled souls from all over the world as I watch the sea in it’s natural rhythm.

Every single grain of sand on the beach is washed and moved, every single day. It’s a natural circle and each grain changes every time, all flowing together.

Many telephone calls that come in are filled with anguish as change is resisted, battled and fought against. Folk are exhausted from hanging on to things, people, feelings and situations that do not balance with them. They want the tide to stop. They fear change. We have all been there, sometimes many times.

We all have tides washing over us and some days we roll with ease, some not so much. Bless the other grains who roll with love for us and with us. I love the grains on my life beach. ❤

“A ship in harbor is safe — but that is not what ships are built for.” John A. Shedd.

My lovely friend Bobbie shared this quote a few hours ago and it crystalised a whole tumble of thoughts and feelings within me. We are not built to stay in our ‘harbours’ as nothing will change. We all need rest sometimes, but that place can become a trap because we resist change so we feel safe.

When we first have a thought on something new we can do, it is pure in that initial moment. As time goes on we add our own fears, opinions and thoughts of consequences if we go ahead. If we share it with others, then their fears, opinions and ‘what if’s’ come into play too. What a weight to add to an idea.

We can all be heard to say ‘Life is short’, but they are just words unless action is taken. Nothing will change without change and we are built for change.

I am ready to change what I do for a living and several ideas have been floating around and one has taken root in my heart. It’s been an interesting life so far and I have had a go at a number of things that may, or may not, be seen as ‘successful’ by the measuring sticks that some use in our modern world. I have learned a lot and it has honed me into the flexible, resilient soul that I am, who chooses each day to feel life through a loving heart. Whatever this choice may bring forth, I’ll give it my best and who knows what sea it will sail me into.

Adventures every day….

Courtesy of the BBC

We watched the start of the Round the World Clipper Race yesterday from Everton Brow, the highest point in Liverpool. What a sight the twelve clippers were as they started their adventure, circumnavigating the world in a year.

Sir Robin Knox Johnston was interviewed yesterday morning and asked why people would do it. He replied ‘You go out there and face all sorts of challenges, including eighty foot high waves, whilst living together in close quarters. It pits you against nature and you return having won’.

My lovely man was considering doing a leg on this race, but decided against it and he watched them go with a wistful expression. I turned to him and said ‘You have faced more than eighty foot waves in life and done brilliantly. How about taking a sailing holiday together next year for fun, in calmer waters?’

Sparks of love….

Returning home to a pretty tea cup of blackberry preserve nestling in my fridge, full of flowing kindess from our landlady.

My loving man patiently waiting for me to run out of steam as I flew off at a tangent, then with ‘twinkly’ eyes saying ‘I have a joke for you’.

Winding balls of wool with my landlady's Mum, who has joined us in this special place, as we reminise about the days when our children were little and all the different things we have made over the years.

Thoughtful friends with a spare ticket to a play that was being streamed live into our local cinema messaging to say ‘Do you fancy coming along Jane and we’re all getting together to eat beforehand?’

Bumping into a friend who shares our special home at the local supermarket and being invited along to join her storytelling and yoga sessions.

On Skype each working day ‘sailing’ together with my lovely buddy as we share thoughts, giggles and our virtual kettle.

Sitting creating the special fingerless gloves with woven coloured strands from a kit that a special lass sent me from Yorkshire, just as she is writing to get in touch.

Messages flowing between my Mum and I, often reaching out to each other at the same moment.

So many sparks of love sprinkled through the days. You bet there’s other stuff going on with challenges to be sorted through, but as I sit here I choose the sparks. Ever grateful for the love. ❤

Storytellers…..

Evening sky over The Mersey

I watched the sky yesterday evening and the colours flowing through were extraordinary. My photo does not do them justice as there were so many of them layered up there.

Layered stories.

Every single one of us is running with the story we tell ourselves and reacting to this and to the stories others flow with. All different stories. All different reactions. We often ask ‘Why?’ without first seeking to understand the story.

‘Beyond wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field, I will meet you there.’ Rumi


Jane Sturgeon

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