Loving balance…

Boris the Wonderdog has come to stay with me for a few days and I am loving it. We have flowed together a few times over the years and he is a joy.

We’ve fallen into our ‘together’ routine and there are many magic moments as he hurtles across the beach chasing seagulls at lunchtime, retrieves his ball once and then hangs onto it till we get back home, ambles down the cobbled lanes first and last thing each day (such exciting smells) and chats to me as I knit and create. He is also a wonderful companion as I curl up to read at night time and he lies right next to the bath keeping guard, as I disappear in the bubbles. Instinctively, he is utterly silent when I am working.

I could have taken my phone out as we go on our walks, but there is a freedom in leaving it at home. This means there are no action shots, but my heart holds the memories.

There have been a few work and ‘techie’ challenges to sort out this week and he is a supportive sounding board.

I love him ❤ and my heart family for sharing him ❤

Moments of pure love and joy…..

pure love

Amidst the ‘hurly burly’ of life there are moments of pure loving joy and one flowed through this house last weekend.

Daisy is six and she came with her Dad to spend the weekend at Aunty Lynn’s. I was working a fair bit and missed meeting Daisy till Sunday afternoon, where Lynn and I bumped into each other when I was getting some fresh air in the park. She pointed me towards the children’s playground and there was Daisy on one of the horses that bounce on a giant spring. She was rocking back and forth and reading with her Dad sitting in the sun keeping watch. I sat and chatted with him and Daisy came over to join in.

Daisy and I started chatting away and I took them over to see all the new additions to the fairy magical park. Daisy has been coming here since she was a babe and loves it. We met ‘Bella Bellisimo’ the unicorn and pottered about looking at all the sparklies, fairies and fairy houses. We were in heaven. There is a flower bed at the entrance full of pebbles that children have painted with their names. We found seven ‘Daisy’s’ and our favourite was the pink one with sparkly flowers stuck on.

We chatted and sang our way home and agreed that a visit upstairs to the Princess room that Aunty Lynn has just created was a ‘must’. We sat nattering as we looked through all my beads and buttons and moved onto the bedroom where we sorted out my jewellery box. Daisy untangled all my necklaces and we hung them up so I could wear them. Her logic being that if I could see them, I would remember to wear them. We talked about love, family, fairies, kindness, unicorns and friendships. She mended my beaded watch and I have been wearing it since.

I had been to our wonderful library the day before and brought home a book full of patterns to knit little animals. As Daisy sat looking through the book she was calling out all sorts of ideas and her ‘top’ one was a teapot cosy with a Cookie Monster on top, with choc chic cookies of course. Her little face was sparkling as she looked at me and said ‘I hope you are writing these down Jane, because they are reaaaaally good ideas’.

She curled up on my bed and carried on creating her loom bracelet and I sat and knitted. She told me a story about a young lass at her school who had been acting mean. Daisy felt she was unhappy, so she went home and had a look in her treasures box. She found a lovely shell and gave it to her classmate the next day and they become friends.

Daisy; pure loving joy. ❤

Magic moments as Em and I get a whole day to spend together….

Em and 4

Emily has turned 22 and we have been planning a day together since Christmas and on Monday this week we pulled it off.

I headed down the motorway to Leicester and we spent the day doing all the things we love together. Leicester is a thriving city and two universities give it a very young feel. They have ‘lanes’ going off the city centre, just like Brighton, and the little shops up there were tailor made for us girls. We ‘oohhed and aahhed’ over paintings, glasswork, pottery and crafty gifts. We sat in a wonderful deli having lunch and caught up with our news. It felt like we were in Italy. A local wool shop gave us new knitting ideas and projects and the vintage and secondhand furniture shops are a treasure trove of fun.

Em took me to a place called ‘Ocean Commotion’ and some of her childhood memories floated up while we looked in all the tanks. The marvelous colours of the little fish and the gentle burble of the air in the tanks took us to another world for a while. Em remembered when she was little and we used to take her to a garden centre with a special place full of fish tanks. She loved those trips. I remembered two goldfish her Dad won at a fun fair years ago. ‘Gordon and Herbet’ lived with us for quite a while in the big glass bowl I found in a junk shop.

Magic moments float up as I think back to Monday. As the sun set (somewhere high up above, because it tipped down with rain all day) there were little twinkly lights that came on outside the shops. One place was covered in them right up the front from the display window to the roof three stories above. In another there was a studio above a gallery that had us both feeling a longing to get up there and paint. We found a cosy Irish pub and sat and nattered while I sewed a popper onto Em’s coat that kept flapping in the wind. The butterfly umbrella my Mum gifted Em was in use all day, but the weather did nothing to dull our shine.

We had a great time in a restaurant Em had discovered for our dinner. It offered a world buffet and I needed her guidance on several occasions as I looked at food I did not recognise. The staff were great and caught our fun mood and we left there with many good wishes and paper hats on our heads.

As we said ‘au revoir’ to each other Em put a huge bag of clothes, that she no longer wears, in my hand and I have already worn a spangly top that was nestling in there. She also discovered a lovely skirt and scarf in a charity shop for the new work I am doing on platform. She is one canny and thoughtful shopper.

Em is in her final year at Uni and has a 10,000 word dissertation before her in the next few months. We shared memories of the degree choices she had before her just a few short years ago, because she chose the unexpected. She made the best choice for her and I applaud her courage in following her heart, as she is flying with it. She has carved a lovely life out for herself in Leicester and has got out and about exploring and found all sorts of places. Her new friendships there have brought blessings forth and she has discovered much about herself.

Life flows and things rarely go to plan, as our children grow up, and in my case a marriage ends. Emily is a priceless gift from my marriage and life’s gifts continue to flow in the magic moments we have together.

Em and I 1

Magic moments from atop my favourite hill in Gloucestershire….

DSC_1621

Dilly and Amy on a walk in the forest.

It is these dog’s special bond that brought me to Dilly’s five bar gate at the top of the hill back at Easter time. Love flowed and a friendship developed with Dilly’s Mum and Dad, Eddie and Elaine, and they have flowed care ever since. I have been tucked up in their magic home for the last few days.

Magic moments….

Dilly feels she has two main roles in her happy life; one is playing with tennis balls and the other is ‘herding’ the chickens. She can be found resting under trees throughout the day keeping watch over her flock. Every now and then her ministrations get a little too enthusiastic and the hens bat her back with their wings…then peace descends once more. I will hear a ball dropping at my feet as one of the abiding memories of being here. Each evening we all feel the effects of multiple ball throwing and one by one the balls get tucked away and Dilly settles down for an evening cuddle. You cannot say the word ‘balls’ within her hearing after this has happened and Eddie made us all laugh when he came in the other evening enquiring ‘Have the sphericals gone to bed yet?’. Dilly was fast asleep last night when I was heard to comment that I had spent the week sitting on balls.

Hepsibar is a poorly hen right now and giving her some tonic and vitamins is important. I usually find her in the silver birch tree memorial garden and we have a chat whilst she takes her ‘get well soon’ treats. This morning she pottered into the kitchen to say thank you.

I collected some things from my car the morning after I had arrived and felt him, before I saw him. It was Rocky, the lovely big boy of a horse, that I cared for at Easter. He was lunching in a neighbour’s field with Lizzie his buddy. I looked up to see him quietly watching me over the gate. I walked over and put my nose to his and wrapped my arms around his neck. We stood for ages breathing together.

Eddie is so talented as a musician and we are blessed to have him play the piano to ‘us girls’ as we go about our evening tasks. I was delighted to hear the Star Trek and Thunderbirds theme tunes. Another abiding memory will be Eddie bounding into the front room doorway late one night saying ‘I have just composed a new piece, do you want to come and listen?’ ‘You do don’t you? Yes, you do?’ He was bouncing from one foot to the other and Elaine, Dilly and I went down to his studio and were privileged to hear his latest piece for the flute. Beautiful.

Showering and looking out of the window onto the little lane and forest the other morning, I was surprised to see the postman in his van drive slowly past . Though not as surprised as he was….he’s young, he’ll recover!

I knelt down yesterday at the edge of the forest and chatted to a two year old toddler about all the leaves he had picked up and the shapes they made. His Mum took him home to help him make a picture with them all.

Friends I made at Easter have been hugged, new friends have been made as we have walked the dogs in the forest, special animals have been cuddled, fresh eggs have been collected and the house has been warmed with the smell of baking, the full moon has been watched, blue skies have been celebrated, sunshine has been welcomed and fresh air has been breathed. Magic moments have been tucked away in a heart that overflows.

Love shows all that is good in the here and now….

DSC_1213

In all the daily dashing about, love comes out on top, every time.

A mobile phone message sends ‘Good luck’ lunchtime kisses from the youngest in our family, Kyla, to Emily as she nervously started another round of exams at Uni. Nothing but love pours out from this beautiful baby and it was such a happy visit with her, and her fabby Mum, Emma, yesterday.

Our hearts took pictures of a smiling Kyla, as her Grandad placed the latest hat knitted by my Mum, upon her little blond curls.

A good few rather sleepless nights built up to a major game being hosted at the community ice rink. The whole evening was a great success and the love and support from all involved was the foundation that gave rise to it.

A client called with a problem and we headed for Cheshire on Saturday. The change in plans gave us time to chat in the van, I got to see David’s beaming smile as he fixed the problem on site and we managed a surprise visit to my Mum and Dad who live in that part of the world.

After many last minute changes of plan over the last few months, we finally made it to a ‘date’ night and had dinner out on Sunday evening. Smiles.

Last night, warm cuddles and kisses from David made my bruises better after I hit the ice like a sack of potatoes. I discovered that skating towards him showing off my new moves, whilst thinking of a funny line to share with him, does indeed break my flow. Ice skating is still great fun and I’ll be back down at the rink next Monday!

At breakfast this morning sunlight shone through and the daffodil petals sparkled as we ate breakfast.

Every day is threaded with words of love, moments of understanding, supportive acts, touches of kindness, shared laughter and cuddles within our family, friends and daily contacts. May the challenges keep coming, because they show the magic moments of love within.

Starry moment and a bit of relief….

Harold’s Planet by Swerling and Lazar

Financial strain, we’ve all had it in varying degrees and for elastic lengths of time. It’s been a long bumpy road for me, which I hope I have learnt from and developed some ingenuity with along the way.

During the last few years I have hung on to what felt natural to me and it’s only right to say at this point that I couldn’t have got this far without the love and support that has come my way. You know who you are xx

I hung on to being self employed and my spiritual work as it is me. The things I have done to keep going during this period have been creative, to say the least, but nothing really ‘held’. A lovely friend recommended me to a company where I could work at what flows naturally through me and stay self employed (I love you M).

In the last forty eight hours I have had a few unexpected emails from Head Office, full of support and praise, that have left me very touched and humbled. Then this morning I checked my bank account (over the internet) and there it was, my first invoice paid, a few days earlier than expected.

I’m having a moment, so I’m pouring it out on here.

Life will continue be interesting, have bumps, good surprises and magic moments and I know in my grateful heart that everything is exactly as it is meant to be.

For all the time spent in regret you may miss what is before you now and then regret layers onto regret creating a cycle of regret.

Regret begets regret; you can look back and tie yourself up in knots with questions like; ‘I wish I had said this or done this’ and regret changes nothing as the past is behind us now.

Everything happens as it should, what is, is and hindsight makes wise men of us all. We do what we do in any given moment with the best intentions and what is done is now done.

In looking backwards with regret we cut right across the flow of energy in the present. Regret, more often than not wrapped in guilt, can colour the things we say today and the actions we take, locking us into a cycle that spins backwards.

Letting go of regret frees us to flow with the moments that are here in the present and there is magic in those moments.