Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way ~ Viktor E. Frankl

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I bobbed out yesterday to spend a bit of time at my soon to be new berth. Lynn’s lovely home is a treat to be in and as soon as I logged off from work I shot over there like a bullet out of a gun. As I rounded the corner there was a horse and pony grazing on the green opposite. It’s Easter holidays here and the children were watching in delight.

Lynn and I had a great time planning my move and where things will go next weekend. Her home is full of thoughtful touches and her care continued as she suggested a desk in the sitting room window. I can work, write and look outside at the green, the sky and life. That keeps work out of my bedroom and I think this will add to my inner peace.

I sailed out of there into Morrison’s to do some grocery shopping and when I came to pay I discovered that I had forgotten my purse. So I went back home, returned to Morrison’s, paid for my shopping and then walked back up the hill again. That’s when feelings started to rise up. As Sarah and I sat nattering and eating our dinner together last night I wept. I am upset about change again, angry at our landlord for not seeing the situation that he has created and I woke up this morning still thoroughly out of sorts. In this line of work you are front line and can’t hide. So I tried to ‘park’ how I felt and work anyway. This plan failed and my lovely colleagues stepped in and hands were held out with support.

I can handle the practicalities of the move, yet the emotions are a different thing and have got a wee bit tangled up. I am scared of hurt, of things going awry, of having to deal with goodness knows what, so I am not allowing myself to feel hopeful about this change.

As one colleague said this morning ‘Jane, lean on me, I am here, for goodness sake lean’. So I leant. Not my normal stance, but hey it’s time for change. Change happens all the time and if I can lean into this one and melt into each moment, then my attitude stays balanced. It is what it is and I am surrounded by loving support. Letting go of any expectations, including fear filled ones, is lovingly graceful. I also get to see Mum and Dad this weekend and to drive a hired van. Such fun. Ohh, and I have booked a manicure, after all self nurture needs to be practical too doesn’t it?

Such a sweet planet we walk on, when we walk it with heart….. Jeff Brown

sisters
Exchange your righteousness for humanness,
your judgments for compassion,
your hopelessness for faith,
your armor for love.

Such a sweet planet we live on
when we walk it with heart.

‘Love it Forward’ by Jeff Brown

Both my sister and I have let go of differing situations in the last week and set-up a new home together. Whatever stormy seas brought us here, we have found a loving harbour in this place. Not living under the same roof since we were 14 and 16 (which is a few years ago now, ahem), we both feel the hand of divine timing in what has unfolded recently.

We have chosen a modern house near the hospital where Debs works, with room for our grown up children to stay and space for me to work in peace. Here we are a week later on a stormy Sunday, all safe and cosy, with Debs asleep after a night shift and me logged on for work with the support service.

Deb’s eldest son and his partner helped us move and there was a priceless moment as Rob came out of our new home to take the latest box from me at the van and this is how the conversation went…

Rob: ‘Mum is showing my baby photos in there!!!’

Complete puzzlement on his face….

Me: ‘Well you were a beautiful baby.’

His next facial expression was even more eloquent.

It has been a week of loving support, mass activity, normal work for both of us girls, lists, laughter, shopping forays, yet more lists, yummy food, Mum and Dad visiting, friends popping in, gifted flowers and plants, messages of support, appliances mis-behaving and being replaced, the blessings of a kind landlord, a decisive and speedy furniture purchasing trip around Ikea, more laughter, warm rugs going down in each room, efficient heating (thank you), assembling of flat pack furniture with very helpful ‘back seat driving’ assistance being given from the sofa (not), ‘oohs and ahs’ over new home accessories, bottles of bubble bath and perfume appearing on windowsills, many cups of tea and coffee, queries of ‘Does this look good here?’ and ‘Is that hanging straight?’ and even more laughter.

We have plans for the future and we feel excited about them. Right now though we are taking time out to simply ‘be’, to catch our breath and let this new life we have drawn together seep in. We each react differently to change and cups of tea and coffee, yummy food, loving support and a cosy home nestle us, while we hold each other safe as everything settles.

And a new chapter begins….

Life’s flags and flowing by letting go….

Clwyd Valley

I thought I had found my place here in this North Welsh valley and my creativity has certainly been sparked by many joyful moments here. There have been many blessings nestled in this time, yet I find myself packing up home again.

In this lovely old coach house I have been coping with damp, mould, a tiny hot water tank (small baths and short showers), a tempremental oven that either cremates or leaves things half raw, a distinct lack of natural light inside and a washing machine that flashes electrically and needs starting with a ball point pen. I have been able to creatively work my way around all of this, because I loved being here. Then the heating broke.

I always gently advise my clients to pay attention to ‘life’s flags’. If we ignore the first warning flags, then bigger ones go up and they will keep going up, until they slap us around the face and we are forced to make changes. The thing is it’s all about trust. Trust for your own instincts, for life and for your journey. So if you pay attention to the first flag, or flags, you may never get to know if you have made the right choice, but at least you made a choice.

As soon as I had my landlord’s response to my request for heating help I knew. I simply knew that it was a flag that he was overstretched and important things were falling through the cracks. My instinct said ‘Get out Jane before Winter truly sets in and you are in serious trouble old girl’. So I gave notice and started to explore a number of options, whilst trying to stem tears at the loss of leaving here.

I summoned all of my strength and the Lakota type blood (thank you Grandfathersky) I have created in my life so far. Divine timing came into play and an unexpected option appeared, that fast became a plan and is now unfolding at speed. Saturday is moving day and many blessings and new opportunites are coming in to flow loving support into this choice.

As I prepare to leave North Wales to head back into England, I still have no heating and a landlord who is struggling to cope with broken heating in several places over the estate with some very unhappy tenants that are reacting in differing ways. I have thanked him for the time in this very special place and the many gifts it has held. I move forward with loving trust that this is exactly what I am meant to be doing and it goes without saying that I am togged out in my trusty woolly hat and snuggle socks!

Let the new adventure begin…..