When things tumble and fall…

After a tiring day, I pulled my wellies on and headed off to walk the beach in the last hour of daylight. There among the dog walkers, fishermen and birds, I returned to my calm centre. There was a chap pottering on the beach with intent and as I walked up the slipway, I waited for him to follow. ‘If he smiles at me’ I thought to myself, ‘I will ask him what he was doing.’ He did and walked towards me opening up his hands, which held broken fishing lines and weights.

‘I was fishing at high tide earlier and the currents kept breaking my lines.’

We stood looking at his hands full of his beachcombing rescues.

‘I found a huge fish attached to one, still alive, so I walked him back to the sea.’

We wished each other well and headed back home.

I have spent time lately creating a 50th birthday jumper for a friend’s husband. With love, I gathered measurements, found just the right yarn, followed the pattern faithfully and after finishing it stood back, frowned and got my tape measure out. It’s massive and I mean ‘tent-like’ massive. I know he’s a chap who works outside with chainsaws and the like, but with the best will in the world, he’s not that big! They were dealt a shattering life blow in the last few days and are struggling. All plans have tumbled to dust and as we spoke yesterday I heard her cry for me to talk about anything that gave them some respite. So, ‘tent’ like knitting it is! I may not have created a garment he can wear, but we have a heart story that will make us chuckle for quite some time.

My lovely buddy, Suzette B, runs a blog where she posted about ‘waters flow’ today and it made me think of all the times our plans and projects turn to dust and how life flows on. Of how we keep on creating new plans and projects regardless of labels, judgments, shattered hearts and expectations on how things are supposed to be.

It is how it is and love is the ever-flowing constant. ❤

Flying with love and trust around a loving harbour…..

Fish Eagle

Here’s to a sparkly 2015 for you all and may it be full of opportunities, adventures and love. Xx

When our family went out to Africa many moons ago, one of my cousins David and I became firm buddies. He taught me to shoot, wield a catapult and spot things in the bush from miles away. He also accompanied me out horse riding, even though he was not keen on it! Another memory is our disagreements over hunting. I could never kill anything and I would find a Kudu or small deer in the freezer and get very upset with him. He had the gift of being a loving listener and gave me a safe harbour whenever I was with him. We were in our early teens then and the years rolled forward and our familes were scattered geographically over time. Tragically he died aged thirty eight and I still feel his loss today. Love connects us still and thanks to my psychic side I have seen him and we still natter. His ashes were scattered by his favourite fishing lake in Zimbabwe and if I close my eyes I can see the Fish Eagles flying there.

Last weekend a special day was organised and up in Lancashire I got to meet and spend the day with David’s grown up sons and their families. We stood there hugging and sharing memories as happy children and a great Spring Spaniel milled about our feet. There were many magic moments woven into the day. Ryan, his eldest, and I sharing memories and jokes and I could see his father at sixteen laughing back at me. A little one snuggling into my neck and giggling as we chased her cousins down the hall. Sharing future plans with Matt, the second eldest, as he changes career and has a new baby on the way with his lovely wife Mel. Sitting on the floor playing Trivial Pursuit with the older children as I glanced up and looked at David’s picture on the wall, as there I was playing with his grandchildren. Leaning on the shoulder of my cousin Andrew (David’s older brother) as we chatted to David’s youngest son and his wife, stationed out in Germany. Smiling and hugging Danny, his third son, for the first time. Four lovely boys, who have gone on to build loving families and careers. What a legacy. Love was all around and I am blessed to now be a part of it. Thank you Lou for feeding us all and sharing your lovely home. Xx

Following on from this, life tumbled this week and I have come to live with my Mum and Dad for a few months. I can work from here and Dad has gifted me his attic workshop, so I have somewhere to create and paint. Onward and upward as new plans are made.

Hurt needs fresh air to heal and the blessing is that David is still listening as I make sense of everything.

Love floats up, no matter what happens, and true love never dies. David has never lost his ability to flow love, as each of his son’s will testify and I am grateful that he is still here for me.


‘Everything will be all right in the end and if it’s not all right, then it’s not yet the end.’

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

‘Everything will be all right in the end and if it’s not all right, then it’s not yet the end.’ so said the character Sonny Kappor in one of my favourite films ‘The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel’.

Life unfolds and we all make the best we can of what is in front of us. We hold hope and trust that all will work out, with some times being a lot trickier than others.

I do not profess to have all the answers, but I have the belief that when we let go and allow the universe to step in, then all will unfold naturally. I think the letting go is about putting down in our hearts and minds our vision of how things should unfold. If we become set on how something should be, then it can get twisted. Whatever the circumstances, by acting from love with all our thoughts, words and actions, then things get a chance to have the breath of life flow through.

Last Saturday night, David and I sat opposite each other enjoying a lovely dinner, which was not planned. We have spent the last few months doing our own thing, working away at new projects, tending to our lives, yet never losing touch with each other as our loving support continued. We believed that in our discussions we were gently helping each other come to terms with the grief of our parting and helping each other to move forward.

Wry chuckle from upstairs at this point, which some of you out there may have heard, but we certainly didn’t!

We sat across the table on Saturday and to our mutual surprise we had a different discussion as we held hands. Our perspectives had shifted, we were both talking to each other in a new way and the realisation gradually floated up that our loving support had crafted a new way forward.

The universe had whispered, her song was heard and we have been blessed with love for a new start.

Rain and good intentions….

cycling in the rain

Five weeks ago I moved here and my car was sold to secure my new home. ‘Don’t worry’ I assured my loved ones, I will make full use of the internet for grocery shopping, my clients can come here to see me, I will offer yummy food as you visit and when I need to go anywhere I will use my push bike….brave words.

Notice the five weeks and I will admit that the bike has been nestling undisturbed in my shed the whole time. I woke up yesterday needing milk and gave myself a stern talking to while I showered. Reminding myself of all the things I had tackled in my adventurous life so far….all the excuses of snow and ice over the last five weeks melted under my own words.

I grabbed my purse and off I set. Have I mentioned that I live on a hill? I flew down, which was quite enough excitement for one day, and then the heavens opened and I mean opened. The rain lashed at me, it really did, and I was drenched in seconds. I pushed on and soon discovered that there are a few hills between the nearest village shop and my new place. I paused to shelter in a peaceful churchyard, as the church is no longer used and preserved as a historical site.

I made a sensible decision resting under the yew trees and turned back to walk home pushing my bike up these picturesque and challenging hills.

As I rounded the last hill for home a neighbour spotted me and it’s testimony to her kindness that she did not laugh. Wonderfully practical she asked if I was alright and was I exploring or actually trying to get somewhere for something. I was only able to splutter that I was far from fit and in need of milk. Different cycling routes were explained, a corner shop pointed out that was at least two miles closer and she brought me milk when she returned within an hour.

I am not giving up on the bike and am baking for my kind neighbour….

Plans, thoughts, hopes and bags of room for the unexpected…..

I had a telephone interview on Wednesday and as I tucked up in my new home ready to take the call I had lovely company. Dave, a Springer Spaniel, is a great character and is lying by my feet now as I write this. He is part of a trio with Loulou, another Springer, and Saint Lazarus an old fashioned English Bulldog.

There is much change swirling around us all here, including these lovely dogs, and in the next week Dave and Loulou head off to their new home as my lovely friends leave here. I will stay self-employed working away from home so during the day it will just be Saint and I. I am so grateful that he is staying here with the ‘bursting with life’ young folk that I will sharing this home with.

I made my plans recently and as you all know there were many options in the decision pot and I am glad to say that I know I have walked towards the right one.

As I get a sense of my new ‘garden’ and see the seeds I planted a few weeks ago germinating and showing growth, there is new and unexpected growth beside them. I would even venture to suggest that life has a few surprises in store for me that I have not foreseen.

Look what happens when you re-work your soil, you make room for the unexpected and who knows what glorious growth will now burst forth.


Time to listen to your own thoughts…time to hear yourself say them…

Harold's Planet by Swerling and Lazar

Why are we so scared of stopping to listen to our own thoughts? I think it’s because we’re scared of what we might find there. Discovery begets change and some good folk spend an awful lot of time fighting change.

Change is good.

I have had the opportunity to say quite a few things out loud over the past few days and then a complete night where sleep just would not come. It started with a thought floating up at silly o’clock. I paused and checked ‘That’s random’ I thought and this was closely followed by a ‘No it’s not that’s bloody marvelous!’ A cracking plan and a way forward has emerged with something I have been wrestling with for over two years now.

So this morning with a sense of pure relief I am grateful to…..

My lovely friends
My hopeful heart
My indomitable spirit
My new plan……

Change is good.

I awoke with a plan this morning, sat watching the snow falling outside and no, it’s not the weather that has upended my plan…just life getting in the way…

What follows was not my intended post for today, that will have to wait for another day when I have the mental space to craft it properly.

My day seemed so straightforward when I stood watching the snow fall at daybreak, coffee cup in hand, with all the animals fed and settled for the morning and the day’s priorities clear in my mind.

It’s this time of year isn’t it? Too much to do and too little time to do it in. Note to self – wait for your acrylic paint to dry properly before applying your varnish otherwise you get black streaks running through your carefully coloured design. The ‘squeak’ that emitted from me (it was all I could manage at the time) caused the ‘boys’ to immediately sit to attention tails going with a ‘Is there anything we can do to help’ look on their faces. There wasn’t, but I did go and find Emily with a new plan as I obviously was not delivering my furniture order this morning.

Emily greeted me with the news that Morgan was home a day early from Uni, they were desperate to be together and could he come over to spend the day? Now thinking ahead very quickly (and I’m getting so good at this) all thoughts of grabbing a quick boiled egg and soldiers for dinner were promptly dismissed along with my plans to get my last orders for Christmas delivery base coated this afternoon.

An army marches on it’s stomach so I’ve been to the supermarket and Em has made lunch. My painted furniture has been re-painted and rescued and I am now off to deliver it this afternoon. Household tasks and laundry have been handed over to Em and Morgan, this involves Em doing them and Morgan following her around telling entertaining stories whilst she’s busy (we love you Morgan). I got the new washing machine installed last night and for the individual who tightened the holding bolts on the drum, a big non-thank you, as I practically had to sit on the spanner to get the blessed things off.

Anyway I digress…..

Furniture orders will be delivered shortly, Christmas cards will get written at some stage, base coating will happen, dark chocolate for numerous brownie orders will be purchased as it was forgotten in this morning’s shopping trip and to maintain her sanity the ‘boys’ will take their harrassed mistress for a walk in the woods before darkness falls.