Ink in the clouds….

There are some folk in this life who can pick a fight with their own shadow. There are many reasons behind this behaviour and multiple layers to it, but it shows itself in ways that cause upset to others. If their driving need is for validation and attention, then it has been my experience to observe that it’s open season on how this is achieved. Dramas are created, unsettled situations are started, stories are told that are not aligned to truth and everyone’s inner balance in the immediate area is at risk. They are like a bucket with no bottom, because no amount of attention is ever enough, no matter how lovingly it flows. They hold little respect for themselves, so it naturally follows that they are unable to respect others.

A speck of ink in a cloud can colour the whole and all underneath see the sky go dark, feeling the chill as the light is blocked.

It is a sad fact that those who carry on in this way cannot see it, as their driving need for attention blocks out self awareness. They are the only ones who can effect change in how they operate, yet maybe their inner pain is such that they cannot turn and face it. Whatever the reason, others are affected by how they behave, and with no glimmer of change on the horizon, decisions have to be made. We are told at every turn in life to flow love, compassion and kindness, so it can catch us in the cross hair of uncomfortable choices when faced with someone who behaves like this.

My instinct and subsequent action has been to kindly and firmly move the cloud on. What do the rest of you think?

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way ~ Viktor E. Frankl

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I bobbed out yesterday to spend a bit of time at my soon to be new berth. Lynn’s lovely home is a treat to be in and as soon as I logged off from work I shot over there like a bullet out of a gun. As I rounded the corner there was a horse and pony grazing on the green opposite. It’s Easter holidays here and the children were watching in delight.

Lynn and I had a great time planning my move and where things will go next weekend. Her home is full of thoughtful touches and her care continued as she suggested a desk in the sitting room window. I can work, write and look outside at the green, the sky and life. That keeps work out of my bedroom and I think this will add to my inner peace.

I sailed out of there into Morrison’s to do some grocery shopping and when I came to pay I discovered that I had forgotten my purse. So I went back home, returned to Morrison’s, paid for my shopping and then walked back up the hill again. That’s when feelings started to rise up. As Sarah and I sat nattering and eating our dinner together last night I wept. I am upset about change again, angry at our landlord for not seeing the situation that he has created and I woke up this morning still thoroughly out of sorts. In this line of work you are front line and can’t hide. So I tried to ‘park’ how I felt and work anyway. This plan failed and my lovely colleagues stepped in and hands were held out with support.

I can handle the practicalities of the move, yet the emotions are a different thing and have got a wee bit tangled up. I am scared of hurt, of things going awry, of having to deal with goodness knows what, so I am not allowing myself to feel hopeful about this change.

As one colleague said this morning ‘Jane, lean on me, I am here, for goodness sake lean’. So I leant. Not my normal stance, but hey it’s time for change. Change happens all the time and if I can lean into this one and melt into each moment, then my attitude stays balanced. It is what it is and I am surrounded by loving support. Letting go of any expectations, including fear filled ones, is lovingly graceful. I also get to see Mum and Dad this weekend and to drive a hired van. Such fun. Ohh, and I have booked a manicure, after all self nurture needs to be practical too doesn’t it?